On Hillary's Problems

Often I go to great lengths to avoid talking about politics after work. Once I went to a costume party dressed as an angry protestor. I carried a sign that announced, “I don’t want to talk about politics!”

I hadn’t been at the party five minutes before a woman came up to me. She pointed to the sign and said, “Very funny.” Without taking a breath—or laughing—she began sharing her opinion about some dumb thing a politician had done.

The darndest thing about people is that sometimes they say something worth hearing. Not long ago I was at another party and the same woman came up to me. She couldn’t wait to tell me about the members of her book club. All of them are women. They’re all Democrats or left leaning independents. She told me, “The other day politics came up. Soon we were talking about Hillary. Each of them said, ‘I don’t like her.’ ”

Being the intrepid adventurer I am, I realized that my next mission in life was to find some voters who liked Hillary. I didn’t think it would be too hard.

Early Findings

Since then I’ve been trying.

I’ve found plenty of people who support her. I’ve found plenty who hope she is the next president. I’ve met many who admire her. Strange things happen after I ask, “Well, do you like her?”

Loud and bold supporters become quiet. Soft-spoken and civil supporters become shy. And a lot of people either rub the toe of their shoe in the dirt . . . or stare off into space . . . or hasten to change the subject.

I went to a focus group. It lasted two hours. One person in the focus group agreed with Ms. Clinton on all the major issues.

He was asked, “Will you vote for her?”

Later I chased him down. I asked, “Why can’t you vote for her?”

“Don’t like her.”

This likeablity thing is important. If you like a candidate, you are more willing to forgive the candidate when s/he makes a mistake. If a candidate is likeable, then the candidate will get votes and often money from people whose positions are more aligned with another candidate.
As the nice man who was running the focus group later said to me, “Emotions often turn off logic.”

I wanted to ask, “Who’s logical?” But that, I suppose, is another conversation.

The nice guy who ran the focus group added, “If a candidate is liked enough, people who logically wouldn’t have voted for him or her, very often will.”

The nice guy continued. “Reagan was so well liked that millions of Democrats voted for him. Reagan was so well liked that millions of people who were hurt by Reagan’s programs—millions of those people voted for him.”

If you Need an Excuse

Flying to Iowa I wandered into a dark area of an airport I shouldn’t have been in. Security found me. I thought I was a gonner. I envisioned being questioned. I envisioned being put in jail. I saw myself doing the perp walk. I got goose bumps.

A tall security guard who looked like a retired linebacker approached. He barked, “And just what are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for someone who likes Hillary.”

“Oh. Wanna borrow my flashlight?”

A few days later, I was late for a business meeting.

As I entered I mumbled, “Sorry, I was looking for someone who likes Hillary.”

My boss replied, “Well I’m surprised you’re here at all.”

In Iowa

I passed much of this week in Iowa. I figured Iowa would be the perfect place to find someone who likes Hillary. Iowans are warm—they have to be to survive those artic blasts that roll in from Canada. Iowans are patient—they have to be, life moves at a slower pace there. When you are in Iowa, you do a lot of waiting.

Again I found people who supported Hillary. Again I found people enthusiastic about her candidacy. But I found no one who likes her.

Now I could have cheated. I could have wandered into an office where supporters for Senator Clinton were working. Even if they didn’t like her, they would have to say they did.
These things get around. No one would want it getting around that they worked for a candidate they didn’t like.

I could have called members of Hillary’s family. I could have called Bill. He’s got a light schedule now. He might even talk with me. He’d tell me he likes Hillary.

I went to town hall meetings for Democrats. I went to town meetings for Republicans.

I never met anyone who likes Hillary Clinton.

Multi-tasking

The on-line magazine I work for is just getting started. I’m doing a lot of publicity for the magazine. Many times a week I’m a guest on a radio talk show. Recently, while a Clinton rally was winding down, I got a call on my cell phone. It was two o’clock. The talk show I was to appear on started after the news—at 2:05. I connected my phone to an earbud and put the earbud in my ear.

The rally ended. I listened to the news.

It came time for the talk show to begin. I stepped outside.

Fifteen minutes later a guy came up to me. The radio show I was a guest on was beginning a long commercial break.

They guy introduced himself. His name was Sam.

Sam was a Hillary supporter.

I asked him if he likes Hillary.

He did what politicians often do. He didn’t answer the question I asked. He answered the question he wanted to answer.

When Sam was younger, he had “worked security at rock and roll shows.” He’d done this in the DC area. First President Ford’s daughter and then President Carter’s son came to some of the shows where he worked. Sam saw Secret Service people “all the time.”

I told him I was not with the Secret Service.

“I know, I know. You’re with Treasury. That’s what they all said. I got to compliment you.

When you left the room, I couldn’t figure out who the other agents in the room were. ”
He pointed to the car I was leaning on. It was a tiny Japanese car I’d rented.

“And they used to drive boxy American cars. No more.

“And the earbuds. They were always white. I can see you’ve gotten more sophisticated.”

The radio program was still playing commercials. So I asked Sam, “Do you like Hillary?

He loved her chances. He loved Bill.

“Please. I’m really interested.”

He backed away. “Don’t get me wrong. I’d never harm her or anyone. Not a soul. I don’t even kill flies.”

“But do you like Hillary?”

“Goodness no.”

The commercial break ended. I had to return my attention to the radio program.

While a caller on the radio program asked me a question, Sam said, “Love the way you blend in now. Wish they did that in my day. Keep up the great work!”

I knew the civil thing to do was to repeat that I wasn’t a member of the Secret Service. But I had to respond to a question from a caller who was listening to the radio program.

Soon I realized: I do work that probably is as difficult as working for the Secret Service. I do work that probably is as challenging as working for the Secret Service.

I look for voters who like Hillary.

Idiots of the Week

Speaking on National Public Radio on March 31, NASA Administrator Michael Griffin said, “I have no doubt that global–that a trend of global warming exists. I am not sure that it is fair to say that it is a problem we must wrestle with.”

A NASA climate scientist, Jim Hansen, said Griffin’s comments showed “arrogance and ignorance.” A scientist at the National Center for Atmospheric Research, Jerry Mahlman, said that Griffin was “totally clueless” or “a deep antiglobal warming ideologue.”

In a related story, his wife asked him if taking out the trash was something he could wrestle with.

As you no doubt know, Andrew Speaker, an Atlanta resident has a rare form of tuberculosis. He traveled to Europe to get married—as if people don’t get married in Atlanta? Though he was on a “no fly list” the Department of Homeland Security allowed him to reenter the country.

Obviously Mr. Speaker makes our idiots list as does the Department of Homeland Security. But the Democrats do as well for not criticizing the Bush Administration and the Department of Homeland Security enough. This is one reason why Democrats lose so many elections. They don’t do the fear thing well. Speaker’s entering the US shows how poorly managed The Department of Homeland Security it. American’s should be scared about this issue. Once again the Dems blew it.

Oh, and in case you were wondering what Mr. Speaker’s profession is, he’s a lawyer.

Bush—hereafter referred to as Shrub—the term was first coined by the late Molly Ivins. It is used in this column as an affectionate homage to a talented colleague. This week Sir Shrub called for the fifteen biggest polluters to agree to non-binding agreements to cut emissions. They would start in ten years. Each country would create its own plan.

This is just like talk about the hydrogen car. Everyone loves it—especially automakers and the oil industry. It will go into effect so many years from now that it does nothing, nothing to change behavior in the short run.

If Shrub wanted to do something about global warming, he could lobby the Senate to endorse the Kyoto Treaty. If Shrub wanted to do something about global warming, he would urge the Environmental Protection Agency to approve the California plan to reduce emissions from automobiles. If Shrub wanted to do something about global warming, he could endorse the German plan. It would cut global greenhouse gas emissions to half of what they were in 1990. And it would do this by 2050. Shrub and his administration reject this proposal. He claims it is impractical.

And finally the US punditocracy and the editorial boards of the various media outlets deserve the IOW award for not calling Shrub’s environmental initiative what it is—a PR initiative to divert attention from the problem.

Line of the Week

Conan O’Brien on Late Night said, “Sources at the Pentagon—ah this is interesting—say that several factories in Iraq will soon begin making clothes to be sold in the United States. Yeah. That’s right. Yeah. Cause Americans only want two things from Iraq: a stable central government and affordable quality men’s wear.