Logic 101 and the Libby Pardon

Professor Smith ended the previous class stating, “Next time we will discuss the appeals that Scooter Libby be pardoned.”

The members of the class groaned.

Smith’s announcement meant they would have to do homework. They would have to do research. They would have to think.

Professor Smith began the next class, “Harrington, background please.”

Harrington said, “Scooter Libby used to the chief of staff of the Vice President, Dick Cheney. Recently, Scooter Libby was convicted on three counts of perjury and one count of providing false statements. This last count often is correctly reported as obstructing justice.”

Professor Smith commented, “It is often a foolish act to try to comment in a logical manner about illogical actions. Therefore, it is often a foolhardy act to comment in a logical manner about American politics.

“But there is a strange aspect about these appeals that Libby be pardoned. If you examine the strategies rigorously, some of the sillinesses at play really do turn out to make sense. However, there are a host of comic incendiaries and a series of irrational land mines along the way.”

Professor Smith asked a student to state one of the arguments that Libby be pardoned.

Some Arguments

Fontella raised her hand, “One argument to pardon Libby is that there was no underlying crime.”

“Repsonse?”

Fontella continued, “This is nonsense. Perjury is a crime. Providing false statements is a crime. That there was no guilty verdict on some other crime that led to the other charges is irrelevant.”

Professor Smith smiled.

Fontella smiled.

Alicia raised her hand, “Some suggest Libby should be pardoned because Libby wasn’t responsible for the original actions against Valerie Plame. It is the comments about Plame that started the complex series of events that led to the Libby trial.

“But this argument also is ludicrous. Let’s say Joe and Moe rob a bank. Joe and Moe are not caught. But Scooter lies to law enforcement officials about what he knows about Joe and Moe. In that scenario, Scooter still has committed a crime. And Scooter’s crime is still a crime even if Scooter had nothing to do with Joe and Moe’s crime.”

Professor Smith and Alicia smiled.

“No crime has been committed”

Professor Smith continued, “Hang in there. It gets sillier. Can anyone tell me what Fred Thompson said on this matter?”

Michael raised his hand, “Fred Thompson is running for the Republican presidential nomination. But he is not yet officially running. He has positioned himself as a conservative. He used be a senator. He used to star on TV’s Law & Order. About the chargers made against Scooter Libby, Thompson said, “It was obvious to me that no crime had been committed.”

Smith interrupted. “Hereafter, you may refer to Mr. Thompson as Law and Order Fred.”

Many in the class laughed.

Michael didn’t laugh. Michael has been in college for over three years. He has learned to throw a Frisbee (and so has passed the graduation requirement for many colleges and some universities). He has smoked pot. He has had his first sexual experiences. Michael even has learned one of the hardest lessons in life, he has learned to like dorm food. But poor Michael remains an overly serious young man. He did not laugh.

When the laughter died down, Michael continued, “Perjury is a crime. Providing false statements is a crime. Thompson also suggested that the special prosecutor process is unfair. Few things in life are perfectly fair. But the process the special prosecutor’s actions were legal. Legally,
Thompson’s arguments don’t amount to a hill of beans.”

Smith asked, “Anyone have a response?”

Louise sat in the back row. Her feet were on the chair in front of her. She said, “There is of course the absurdist defense. It goes something like this, This is American politics. It doesn’t have to make sense.”

Most students laughed. Smith smiled.

Pandering

A student that others called Goodytwoshoes raised her hand. She cleared her throat and then said, “The people making the argument to pardon Libby are in positions of influence. But unlike presidents and legislators, few have to answer for the influence they exert. So to some degree they can say what they want. They don’t have to act on what they say. This puts them in a perfect position to pander.”

Goodytwoshoes continued, “These arguments do make some sense if you bring in the idea of pandering. Clearly, the people making these arguments are playing to their base. Or, if you prefer, they’re pandering. Pandering does energize a party’s voters. It does make headlines. It does persuade voters to give money, to support you, and to get others to do the same.”

Law and Order?

A disheveled student who hadn’t shaved in a week said, “Many of the same conservatives who are arguing that Libby should be pardoned get very hot and bothered about illegal immigrants. Many conservatives use the word ‘amnesty’ to describe a process that does not provide amnesty. They use the word ‘amnesty’ to describe an aspect of an immigration bill that has been proposed. It would require illegal immigrants to pay a very hefty fine and file paperwork with a bureaucracy that is far worse than your local not-so-friendly DMV. The word ‘amnesty’ is being used to describe a process that forces people to deal with a bureaucracy that in many ways doles out more than its fair share of cruel and unusual punishment.”

Professor Smith replied, “Once again Mr. Poole, thank you for dropping in your weekly joke about the DMV. The members of the class also thank you for your daily attempt to steer the discussion away from the topic.”

Poole took a little bow and smiled.

Smith continued, “We will return from our diversion. Are there other arguments put forward to pardon Mr. Libby?”

The Fall Guy

Candice raised her hand. “Another argument is that pardoning Libby will end speculation about Libby being the fall guy. This too is nonsense. If people want to speculate about Libby being the fall guy for actions by Bush, Cheney, and or others, people will speculate. It is even logical to assume that a Libby pardon will give credibility to those who argue that Libby was a fall guy. This would increase speculation . . . not suppress it.”

Smith asked, “No doubt there are other arguments. But for now let’s look at the larger picture. What do all of these arguments miss?”

Poole replied, “Anything logical.”

Smith responded, “Yes.”

Jaunita raised her hand, “The general standards for any presidential pardon are that the convict has expressed remorse and has served time in jail.”

Smith added, “And why have these elements not been included in the arguments that have been made to pardon Mr. Libby?”

Jaunita continued, “There’s no connection. Libby has not expressed remorse. Libby has not yet served jail time.”

Smith nodded. “Very good. The next step in our discussion is obvious.”

Judge Sentelle

None of the students moved.

Smith said, “Mr. Poole, what’s wrong with lawyer jokes?”

“Lawyers don’t think they’re funny. And people who aren’t lawyers don’t think they’re jokes.”

Smith asked, “Chantelle, What does a lawyer use for birth control?”

“The only lawyer I know uses his personality.”

Smith asked, “Mr. Carlton, A dead dog is on the road. On the same road there also is a dead lawyer. What’s the difference between a dead dog and the dead lawyer?”

“There are skid marks in front of the dog.”

Except for poor Michael, the students laughed at the lawyer jokes. Poor Michael had the sense of humor usually allotted to aardvarks, network studio executives, and dead mules.

Smith continued, “Connection?”

Carlton raised his hand, “Mr. Libby has lawyers. They will appeal.”

Smith nodded. “Where is it most likely this verdict will be overturned?”

Chantelle raised her hand, “President Regan was careful to appoint Judge David Sentelle to the appeals court that will hear cases tried in the DC area. Sentelle is a conservative. Sentelle was one of the judges who overturned the convictions of Oliver North and John Poindexter during Iran Contra. Sentelle was one of the judges who appointed Ken Starr to investigate Bill Clinton. And on the appeals court where Sentelle serves, only two of the three votes cast are needed to overturn a conviction.”

Smith added, “Let’s consider two scenarios. In one, the Libby verdict is overturned. In another, Bush pardons Libby. Given either of these scenarios, how do all these illogical calls for a pardon become, in some way, logical?”

No student raised a hand.

This makes sense?

Professor Smith paced a little then continued, “If you drill down deep enough, all this noise about Libby does . . . in some way . . . make sense.”

No student raised a hand.

Smith continued, “All this illogical noise about Libby is now part of the public dialogue. Illogical, silly, and dysfunctional as this conversation is, it is in the public arena. Therefore . . ..”

Poole raised his hand, “In some way it will provide political cover if Libby’s conviction is overturned . . . or if he is pardoned.”

“And what is another word for this political cover?”

“Camouflage.”

“And additionally?”

“These organs have all but shouted to the world that should a verdict be overturned or a pardon be issued, that they will again restate their opinions on these matters.” Poole smiled.

Smith continued, “Thank you Mr. Poole. I can see this class has not been an entire waste of time for you.”

Smith smiled. “Good. Next class be prepared to discuss vacuous truths, dumb blonde jokes, and Paris Hilton.”

Better Late than Never

Since 1989 automakers have been required to produce automobiles that get on average 27.5 miles per gallon. SUV’s and small trucks were somehow considered not to be automobiles and were allowed to get, on average, 22.2 mpg. Last week the Senate approved new standards. By 2020 all vehicles will have to get, on average, 35 miles per gallon. By 2015 half the new vehicles will have to run on 85% ethanol.

It is not certain that the House will pass the measure or if the President will sign it.

Clearly, national security concerns over imported oil, global warming, and the high price of gas helped moved many who for years had opposed such legislation to now support it. It certainly is a start. In the diseased world we live in this was heralded as good news. But such comments are far too polite: actions like this should have been taken years ago.

Line of the Week

Courtesy of Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show, It's a great day for Hillary Clinton. She chose a song for her campaign. She's chosen a song by Celine Dion. ... Is that wise, choosing a Celine Dion song? Cause you know, she is a singer best known for the theme to a sinking ship? It's not really what you want to do.