In Man of the Year, Robin Williams portrays a TV host who has a nightly TV show. He’s a good deal like Jon Daily. Unlike Daily, the Williams character ends up running for President. At a debate, the Williams character goes deep. He rants. He violates the rules. He launches an oratorical outburst that is wild and crazy, comical and provocative. He condemns special interest money—it has to create an obligation. He attacks politicians who back things like the hydrogen powered car. Its fruits will come so far down the road that companies—and therefore politicians—will be able to continue to do business as usual for years.
The debate sequence in the movie creates a series of wonderful moments. It’s zany. It’s engaging. And it’s very funny.
Few watching the Democratic Presidential Debate on Thursday were hoping to stumble onto moments that were that captivating and rich.
They were not surprised.
The debate did not include anyone who was wild or crazy, anyone who had a world-class wit or who was particularly provocative.
As the debate rambled on, it occurred to me that independently or as a group, all but two of candidates had agreed to follow most of the rules that would be in the notebook of any seasoned handler.
Instructions
1) Before the debate, lower expectations for yourself. Try to raise them for the other candidates. (This was one reason an e-mail about Edwards’ abilities as a lawyer was circulated before the debate. It was an attempt to raise expectations for him.)
These rules are standard operating procedure for politicians and so cut and paste neatly into your debate prep.
2) If asked about terrorists, be sure you talk about killing the bastards. Democrats don’t want to appear to be soft on terrorism. If they are to be considered more credible than Republicans on national security issues, Democrats can’t appear to be soft on terrorism.
3) Do not say anything stupid. (You don’t want to pull a Gerald Ford and while the Cold War is raging say something like, "There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe, and there never will be under a Ford administration.")
4) Never answer the question you’re asked to answer. We know this has been part of your DNA for years, but it should be repeated. Never answer the question you are asked to answer. Never answer the question you are asked to answer. Are you getting it?
5) Instead, take something from the question you are asked and use that as a springboard for what you want to talk about. For example, Senator Blowdry, what is your position on apple imports? Talk about how you love apples, always have, how they are as American as Mom, apple pie , and the American Dream.
6) Never worry about a follow up. The American reporters rarely ask a follow up. (On the rare occasion that one does, follow the same advice as is noted above.)
7) Be civil. The first primary is months away. (Don’t go raising those negatives now.)
8) Every question will be loaded with bait. Bait is anything that causes you to do anything that violates any of the rules. Never take the bait. Never take the bait.
9) Never take the bait.
10) Don’t tell the truth about the consequences of any of your actions. The truth always involves some negatives. Always emphasize the positives.
11) And never tell the truth about taxes—unless they can be cut.
12) Use any means necessary to brag about yourself. No stretch is too far.
13) Use the phrase “I’m proud” as often as you can.
These rules apply not to everyday campaigning, but apply to the debate.
14) This is an extension of rule number seven: Be civil. Don’t attack your fellow Democrats. Do attack GW Bush. It’s easy, just pick one of the items that follows that is the most relevant to the question you’re not answering: the war in Iraq, the war in Iraq, the war in Iraq, the war in Iraq. If things are going well, you may toss in Bush’s awful response to Katrina every now and then.
15) Be sober. We’re betting that not even John Edwards—who will smile at the sight of a pieces of litter on the side of the road—will not smile during the debate. That litter is part of one of two Americas and whichever one it is a part of, he wants the votes that may be garnered from it.
16) Regarding Kucinich and Gravel: Kucinich is the really little guy; Gravel is the one even you won’t know. He has white hair and white eyebrows. Kucinich and Gravel will grandstand. They will try to be outrageous. This will show how different they are from the rest of the pack. Don’t think of Kucinich as a short politician. Think of him as five feet six inches of bait. Never take the bait he offers.
Kucinich and Gravel will, over time, make themselves irrelevant. Kucinich is against war—he’ll never make it on the national stage. Gravel can’t walk across a room without saying something in a stupid way. Don’t attack them. Attack GW Bush. See rule number fifteen.
17) After the debate, look as if you won. Hold, kiss, but do not steal any babies. Mingle.
18) After the debate, avoid commenting on who won the debate. Say something like, “I think the Democratic party won the debate. “
On Message?
Clearly most of the Democrats got and more importantly followed most of the memo.
Obama was tossed a softball question that allowed him to pounce on the idea of killing terrorists (rule two). He failed to pounce. Instead he listed rational and sober responses to a terrorist attack. When you are talking about national security, it is not a time to be sober and rational. If we had done this we never would have had McCarthyism. We would have had a very cool cold war. When it comes to foreign policy, Americans don’t understand sober and rational. Obama didn’t talk about hunting down and killing the terrorists.
For years Clinton has been encumbered with the challenges presenting herself as a candidate who is not a wimp. She pounced on the idea of attacking terrorists.
The one area where the Democrats are vulnerable is on national security. For decades Republican have owned the fear card. They can scare people better than bushel basket of Hollywood thrillers. Because of this, they can scare people into voting for them. If the Democrats are going to win in 2008. they will have to own the issue of national security. They have to take the fear card from the Republicans.
Here, Obama was offered an early and probably a relatively painless lesson.
Who Says Politics is not Absurd?
Brian Williams, anchor of the NBC Nightly News hosted the debate. He asked, “Senator Biden, words have, in the past, gotten you in trouble, words that were borrowed and words that some found hateful. An editorial in the Los Angeles Times said, ‘In addition to his uncontrolled verbosity, Biden is a gaff machine.’
“Can you reassure voters in this country that you would have the discipline you would need on the world stage, Senator?”
Biden paused, responded, “Yes.” Smiled—just a little, and wisely did not say anything else.
The audience laughed.
Williams said, “Thank you, Senator Biden.”
And the audience laughed even louder.
Biden who was not elected to the Senate when he was 29 because he is a warm and funny guy, got the only big laugh of the evening? Biden, who has earned a reputation of “uncontrolled verbosity” is pithy?
Who says we don’t live in strange times?
This Week
should be a good one for Democrats. Former Bush aide, Paul Wolfowitz, is in so much hot water at the World Bank that he may have to resign. The former head of the CIA, George Tenet will be making the rounds publicizing his new book, At the Center of the Storm: My Years at the CIA. All the attention his book tour will bring to the intelligence gaffes leading up to the Iraq war will not be welcome at the White House. And on Tuesday, the new appropriations bill will be delivered to the President—on the fifth year anniversary of his victory celebration on the deck of the carrier, USS Abraham Lincoln. It was on this day that Bush declared, “Major combat operation in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed.”
Kudos
To NBC, the format for the debate was refreshing: short responses, questions centered around a theme, avoiding the windbag thank yous at the beginning, a few questions that demanded very short answers. This format enlivened a prescription that can be deadly.
To Bill Moyers and the opening segment in the newest edition of his PBS series Bill Moyers Journal. For the first time, Moyers showed a television audience how the American media responded to the distortions the Bush Administration presented during the run-up to the war in Iraq. Even when a few reporters exposed the cracks in the Bush Administration’s façade, most of the media folded up like a cheap lawn chair.
Idiot of the Week/Line of the Week
Who would have thought that with all those Democrats talking for so long before, during, and after the debate that one of them would not garner the award this week? Instead it goes to Laura Bush. It is difficult even in a world riddled with absurdity as ours is to get more absurd than this. While on the Today show Laura Bush commented on the suffering going on in Iraq, “Believe me, no one suffers more than their president and I do."
Instead of yielding to absurdity, the line of the week honor go to Tim Rutten who wrote an appreciation of reporter and author David Halberstam who died last week in a car accident. Halberstam did some of the best early reporting on the civil rights movement in Nashville. He was one of the first reporters to tell the truth about the bad news emerging from the war in Vietnam. When Halberstam was 30, he won the Pulitzer Prize for his reporting on the war in Vietnam. He was the author of twenty books. One of his early efforts remains a classic. The Best and The Brightest chronicles the hubris, ignorance, and narrow-mindedness that characterized the Kennedy and Johnson administrations’ management of the war in Vietnam. Of Halberstam, Rutten wrote, “We have an expression in journalism to describe the sort of lethargy that comes on reporters of a certain age: ‘losing your legs.’ David Halberstam never lost his legs.”
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