The other day Dick Cheney had an interesting conversation with one of his aides. The aide meant well. The aide meant to help the Veep create some talking points for a critique that could come up.
The aide began, “Well a Mr. Vice President, we need to brainstorm some strategies for questions that may come up.”
Cheney replied, “Good idea. By the way, as far as the media is concerned, where am I today?”
The aide responded, “Sir, per your directions you are at an undisclosed location.”
Cheney said, “Good. I heard a joke the other day. That shows I have a sense of humor doesn’t it?”
The aide replied, “Well sir, I think simply hearing a joke is not really evidence—”
Cheney barked back, “Course it is.”
The aide responded, “Very well sir.”
Cheney said, “The comic said that I will be the only person to be buried at an undisclosed location.”
The aide snickered.
Cheney asserted, “See, I do have a sense of humor.”
The aide said, “Right sir.”
Angers Easily
Cheney gave the aide an order, “Compile a list of people who have been buried at undisclosed locations.”
The aide responded quickly, “Right sir.”
Then Cheney said, “And look in to it.”
The aide asked, “What sir?”
Cheney replied, “Getting buried in an undisclosed location you idiot!”
The aide looked at his list. It was titled “Qualities of a Psychopath.” The first item on the list was, “Penchant for secrecy.” He frowned. Then he said, “Right sir. Now, if I may. The last few days have not been good days for you in the media.”
Cheney responded, “What do you mean?”
The aide commented, “Comments about your office not being entirely in the executive branch—well sir, these comments have the chattering classes chattering.”
Cheney’s face turned red. Then he shouted an expletive.
The aide looked at his list that noted the qualities of a psychopath. The second item on the list was, “Angers easily.” He shook his head. Then he said, “I have here before me a list of qualities.”
Cheney said, “Get to the point man. Get to the point.”
The aide looked at the list. The third item on the list was “impatient.” The aide said, “We need to be prepared for this sir. We need to be prepared—probably even with jokes.”
Cheney responded quickly, “Jokes? What am I supposed to be some sort of entertainer? Americans want tough politicians, if they wanted jokesters, they would elect wimpy Democrats—not strong, virile manly Republicans.”
The aide responded, “Right sir. Still we must develop some strategies.”
Cheney said, “Strategy smategy. Bring in the army. Mow em down. Raise the flag. Praise mothers. Play the national anthem.”
Meekly the aide said, “Sir, this list of qualities I have. Sir, they deal with specific physiological issues.”
Cheney shouted back, “Wimpy Democrat talk!”
The aide responded, “Precisely sir. The aide looked at his list. The next item on it was, ‘Veers off track easily.’”
Cheney’s face turned red. He stormed about his office. “Don’t these wimpy Democrats have anything better to do than come up with idiotic ideas?”
The aide whispered, “Sir the list wasn’t made by a Democrat.”
Cheney uttered an expletive. Then he uttered another. Then he said, “Independents!”
Press Find Something?
The aide cleared his throat. He gathered his courage, then he said, “Sir, the list was created by an expert. And he’s a Republican. That’s part of the problem. There’s more bad news. The list is all over the Internet. It’s so easy to find that we think that even the media will stumble onto it.”
Cheney shot back, “The media find something? You’ve got to be kidding!” Quickly Cheney rattled off a list of things the administration had done that the media had not yet discovered.
The aide said, “Sadly sir all kinds of computer searches lead to this list. Somehow it got tangled up with nude pictures of Paris Hilton.”
Cheney slammed his hand into his fist. Then he said, “Damn, they’re sure to find it then.”
Cheney paced. Then he said, “Okay, let’s have at it.”
The aide responded, “I have before me qualities. Sir, this may be difficult to take sir.”
Cheney said, “I’m tough.”
The aide continued, “Well sir. I have before me ‘Qualities of a Psychopath.’ ”
Cheney chuckled. “Who says I don’t have a sense of humor?” He chuckled again. “Describes Hillary doesn’t it?”
The aide looked away.
Cheney stopped pacing and stared at the view. He said, “Wyoming is great this time of year.”
The aide responded, “Sir our time is almost up. And we must get to this.”
Cheney asked the aide, “Do you hunt?”
The aide looked at his list. He looked at Cheney. He shook his head. He cleared his throat. “Sir, according to this list sir, psychopaths tend to avoid questions. They tend to avoid taking responsibility.”
Cheney said, “Nonsense. Look how I took responsibility for shooting my buddy.”
The aide responded, “Sir, the wimpy Democrats will respond that you waited a long time to address that sir.”
Cheney swore. He uttered an expletive. Then he uttered another. Cheney paced. His face turned red again. He pounded one fist into another again. Cheney uttered an expletive about what wimpy Democrats should do to themselves.
The aide responded, “Another good idea sir. But if you will look at the next item on the list, it says, ‘They fly into rages.’ ”
Cheney stormed about his office. His face turned red. He pounded one fist into the other. “You think this is a rage? I’ll show you a rage!”
Remorse
The aide responded, “Sir, I don’t think that will be necessary. This next one could prove difficult.” The aide cleared his throat again. Then he said,“ ‘Psychopath’s lack remorse.’ ”
Cheney shouted, “Remorse! What is this poppycock? I showed remorse after I shot my friend.”
The aide said, “Wimpy democrats will point to the number of civilians killed in the Iraq war. They will say that most days more civilians are killed. They will suggest that our numbers about the civilian dead in Iraq are very conservative. They will make a case that you have not shown remorse on this matter.”
Cheney continued to pace. He was not talking now, he was shouting, “I showed sorrow. Go dig up some picture of me.”
The aide asked, “Picture?”
Cheney responded, “There’s one where I’m with President Ford . . . and we’re together . . . and I was crying.”
The aide said, “Sir, you were watching a football game.”
Cheney nodded. “It was a horrible day.”
The aide continued, “A team from Wyoming lost in the last seconds.”
Cheney said, “That’s remorse.”
The aide added, “Right sir.”
Cheney said, “Good work. Hit em when they’re not ready. Release the picture before the end of the day. Say it’s a routine thing. That’ll show remorse—if this remorse thing comes up.”
Cheney smiled.
The aide smiled.
Cheney continued, “This idea to inoculate me against this idiot charge that I’m a psychopath. This is an excellent idea I had isn’t it?”
The aide said, “Well yes it would be sir, if it was your idea.”
Cheney: “What’s the next thing on your list?”
The aide suddenly found the view out the window interesting. Cheney asked what the next item on the list was.
The aide said that he really must be going.
Cheney barked, “What’s the next thing on your” he uttered an expletive “list?”
In a whisper the aide said, “Takes credit for the work of others.”
Quickly Cheney said, “Let’s move along. I’ve got a parade or something to go to don’t I?”
The aide said, “Yes sir. Some passionate supporters wish to throw a celebration for you.”
Cheney’s chest puffed up, and he smiled. “Ah yes.”
“It’s to celebrate a comment you made about the war in Iraq. You made the comment during the run up to the war in Iraq.”
Cheney said, “Ahh those were the days.”
The aide continued. “Sir a party hack . . . a party official found a picture of an Iraqi hugging an American soldier. A group want to celebrate the comment you made about how the Iraqi’s will welcome us as liberators.”
Cheney stared out the window for a while. Eventually he mumbled, “May not be a good idea to celebrate that.”
The aide added, “Your supporters are very excited about the event sir.”
Hen’s Teeth
Cheney smiled, “Well it would be unwise not to yield to the wishes of our loyal supporters.”
The aide responded, “Especially now sir. Especially considering your supporters are about as rare as hen’s teeth.”
Cheney turned to face the aide, “I just saw a pile of hen’s teeth. Thousands of the things. It’s a myth that they’re rare. “
The aide responded “Right sir.”
Cheney started pacing again. “We should gather more of them. Store them at—”
Excitedly the aide added, “At one of your undisclosed locations.”
Cheney smiled. “Very good! I’m glad I thought of that.”
The aide said, “Sir I do recall. Well there was something over a year ago. Scientists induced chickens to grow teeth.”
Cheney added, “Of course they did! Was it one of those amazing tobacco scientists who can’t find smoking causes cancer?”
The aide shook his head.
Cheney asked, “One of those National Rifle Association scientists who show that guns don’t promote violence?”
The aide said, “No sir. One of the scientists was from the University of Wisconsin. He and others claim that growing teeth in chickens will help us understand evolution more.”
Cheney screamed at the aide. “We aren’t using that word in this office you idiot!”
The aide panicked. The aide’s mind raced as he wondered what word he was not supposed to use. Then he remembered. “Sorry sir. I won’t use the ‘e’ word again.”
The aide looked at the list. He frowned. He said, “I think discussing the rest of the items on this list. Well sir, I don’ think that would be very productive.” The aide looked at watch. “And besides sir, we’re just about out of time.”
Cheney said, “Hen’s teeth. Good idea. Get right on it. Collect a lot of em.”
The aide said, “Right sir. The next item on your schedule has you attending an event.”
Cheney said, “Oh really.”
The aide replied, “Yes sir. It should be fun. Ann Coulter is opening a charm school.”
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34 comments:
Ice Cube has a new song out now that rails against those who would blame gansta rap for woes in the streets and the world. The new song and especially the video called "Gangsta Rap Made Me Do It" is both humorous and sad at the same time. It takes an issue of import to our nation and uses sarcasm with satire to make a point about how politics appears to play out today – particularly under the current administration.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=25217921
HYPOCRITE LATER
Notes of fictitious living
By Richard Sidener
Chapter 1. My apologies
Sorry, not even spell check could help
Chapter 2.Ms. used taxes and Mr. Politician
You have to know that these politicians are hosing us. Every single one of you knows. They have been doing it for years. Take the President for a spin. Who the hell would spend 20 plus million dollars to campaign for a job that pays 250 thousand a year?
A person that’s making back door deals with drug, oil, utility, insurance, construction, local, international companies, and anybody else who needs help with something that they need to be legislatively passed. The money they brutally drain from this far exceeds the campaign funds. Look at their bank accounts when they finish their term. And not just the ones here in America.
I could elaborate constantly on the lack of sincere interest that they have for their jobs. But I feel you are already aware, you have to know.
Lets focus on what we could,"no scratch that."What we can do to make sure this ends. First of all they work for us, for our benefit. So we need to put them to work. It’s taking far too long for any bill, law, or anything else they waste time about to be passed. Their just waiting for outside money to influence their decisions, or for the polls to come back to see how they would look. The research for these topics should be done before it's pushed. There needs to be a 7 day limit on all topics.""Yay or Nay". Get on with it.
Next, lets talk about how much money they make. It's too much. If they love this country so much, why are they giving themselves raises, costing the American public more and more? I can’t fathom how they can give their selves raises! I've had a few jobs in my time here and I never got to decide with my co-workers that we're getting a raise. They work for us, right? Shouldn't we vote for their pay raises? Of course we should. Their supposed to be there to set examples on society, to give all, to make literate and productive decisions. Last I checked most martyr’s died broke.
Perks. You have got to be kidding me. We’re footing the bill for countless meals, travel, housing, security, mindless errands, and even coffee. There are 3 meals a day breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You’re going to eat, any way around it. If we can't get a foreign diplomat to make ends without a lobster dinner, oh well. We don’t need them to have dinner with business "clients". As far as every day travel, maybe they could move closer to their job like everyone else. They all travel on planes, which is the most expensive way to travel. Couldn’t they take the bus? It may take a little longer, but that’s OK, we’ll wait. It’s not like they get anything done quickly now. It goes on and on. Burning your money. From here on out we need to limit their movement to the states that they represent and Washington where they conduct council. They need to be focused on the very serious job that they have at hand."Being a member of any political standpoint should be life consuming. If they truly cared about the American people, they should put their lives on hold until they have finished with their term. The only thing that they should have of acquired during their term is the money the position pays and dignity.
Check out these office and state buildings they work at. Expensive paintings, stained glass, 80-foot ceilings, and marble floors. What are they, Gods? Do the American people really need to buy a $5,000 leather chair for every one of them? In Illinois they had to cut teaching jobs because education was under funded; meanwhile they spend millions of dollars remodeling the capital building. Better make sure their comfortable, with a view. We should sell these buildings and put that money back to work for the American people. Where should they perform their jobs? Someplace far more humble. Perhaps a local church, or maybe buy a banquet hall. Wherever it is, it shouldn't cost us billions and it definitely shouldn't look like a Greek palace.
Speechwriters? This is horseshit! Somebody else is speaking for your politician. How can we truly know what their intensions are if they don't say it in their own words? Their only telling you what you want to hear. These speeches are nothing more than educated scripts. Much like love letters from prison, these speeches are always earth moving, heartfelt, and oozing with sincerety. When in reality they were written by 12 bored inmates, throwing in their best lines.
The solution. Lie detector test.92% effective. Live on t.v.We should ask them about their intensions, if their taking kickbacks, if they are abusing there position in anyway shape or form. We could get a government channel, on open air and cable. Yes we would pay the bill, but after the first ten minutes, it would pay for itself. I guarantee 3 quarters of them would bow out imedietaly.10 percent of convicted American inmates are innoccent. That’s 2 percent less effective than the lie detector. Why aren't we using this? We should make them submit to this every 6 months. And we don’t need to wait for them to make this a permanent law; just simply don’t vote for anybody that doesn’t agree to the tests. We have a right to know the interest of those who represent us. It’s just old money looping over making the same dirty deeds and profits that keeps their family and selves in cash and lifestyle because they would never drop to taking a job that requires the function of the real American worker .For some reason no new people or families get seated in these positions.
American politics need to be monitored 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We have the right .We have the power. Lets take our brains and put them to use. They work for us. They are our employees. It’s time for the boss to make a round. Why are we acting like their in charge? Stop treating them like royalty. We don't need leaders. The whole idea of America is that we make the decisions. We need them to listen to the majority decision, and then act upon that decision. That’s it.
Campaigns? This is a gross waste of money and time, paid for with a promise to the donater. They run around the country for months shaking hands, lying about their intensions, giving out their phone numbers telling people that “if you have an issue you should call me“. You know what the first thing a politician does when they get into office? Change their phone number. You will never ever talk to this person one on one again. We would be lucky if they come through with a single issue they campaigned with. If these people don't push the subjects they promised, shouldn’t they be immediately removed from office? The answer is yes. And make them quit hiring family and friends.
There should be a campaign fund cap. The debates should be federally mandated and mandatory for all the runners. And all the runners should have to debate on all the issues. No more coping out.
Taxes? I’m not getting this. A single man claiming 1 pays about 20% in taxes then pays about 7% on goods, and 1% on food. Lets not forget about property tax. From what I figure, were giving over a third of our money in taxes! They only divide it like this to soften the blow. It’s absurd! And Lord forbid I make some real money, because they increase the amount the more you make. If you were to win the lottery, they’ll take about 40 plus in taxes. This isn't fair. Just because somebody works harder or does something that merits more reward, their going to stick it to them. A flat tax is the only fair way to go.18% no matter what.” But Rich you ask", how are we going to make up this money? By not treating politicians like royalty. We don’t need to pay for them to have celebrity status and lifestyles. And stop with the sales taxes. I get taxed when I earn it, then I get taxed when I spend it. You even get taxed for bank interest. How the hell does bank interest put weight on the American public? Is it possible to have a monetary transaction without being taxed? “Monetary” is a 5$ word, I'll probably get taxed for that.
Political seats should not be a career. I’m tired of seeing the same old faces with the same old ideas. And when their gone we get to deal with their kids, who have the same ideas. There for I propose a 2 seat term limit. And I’m not saying that they should move from governor to treasurer to senate. I don’t want them to switch jobs. I’m saying that after a person has participated in 2 terms of any seat that they need to get a real job other than a political seat. Lets get some new faces and ideas out here. If your wondering why there hasn't been any real changes, its because the same people have been in these seats since you were born.
Lastly I’m tired of people only thinking about democracy. Democracy, democracy, democracy. There are 2 main parties, democrats and republicans. The democrats want a democracy and the republicans want a republic. Look them up in the dictionary. To tell you the truth, I don't see too much of a difference in their actions .Its all a B.S. show to keep themselves in power and money. They pretend as if they are making a difference, as if they’re making ground for the American people, as if their weighing the options of both parties to come out with a grand solution. Not once in my entire life have any of these people ever made a decision that truly changed the face of the everyday American. Not once have they ever chosen to take a pay cut to ease federal and state funding. Not once have they made a decision to allow the ordinary American to live the same lifestyle the have. There still filthy rich. And
You’re still working your ass off
If you take a family of six, two adults and four children, and there’s only enough food to feed four people, who goes without dinner? The adults. Because they love their children, because they’re responsible for their children’s well being. Aren’t your local governments supposed to be responsible for your well being? The chief should never have more than the poorest Indian. Sorry “Native American”.
Why do states have surplus auctions? Our taxes paid for it in the first place. Shouldn’t they just give it back?
Why are we still paying into the social security fund if were never going to get it? So lets stop doing it.
Fucking bomb shelters. In case of an emergency the president, senate, and congress all have bomb shelters. Your tax money pays for this. Where’s your shelter? How come they don’t spend tax money on your bomb shelter? Aren’t the American people the important ones? Apparently not. They wouldn’t have anybody left to represent. They would rather we just melted away so they can still “litigate” each other.
I meant “litigate” in a naughty way.
Chapter 3. The war about Iraq.
Snap. When are we going to hurry up and kill the terrorist? We need to send in a bunch of troops and open fire, so we can bring everybody home. I don’t understand why we didn’t send in larger forces in the beginning. We need to dramatically increase our forces and get the job done. What’s the hold up? There’s nothing but third world countries over there. We could easily stomp the crap out of them. When this started everybody wanted justice served. I personally voted for Busch because I knew Kerry wouldn’t retaliate. We all wanted to see terrorism end. Busch came and put the fist down. Then we got involved with the internal conflicts over there. Some people think we shouldn’t have stuck our nose in this. They’re entitled to their opinion. I believe we have an obligation to stop anybody who fights in the name of religion. I wouldn’t just walk away from somebody getting raped simply because its not my business. It’s inhuman to leave people to die in the name of ideology. I know some people would like us to just pull out now. But that’s not a thought out idea. We would get our asses shot off during a full retreat. And lets not forget why were there. The terrorist attacked us. And they said their going to do it again. I’m not interested in pulling out and then waiting around to be blown up. If somebody starts a fight and you manage to pin them to the ground, you’ll probably ask them to stop. If they tell you the second you let them up their going to do it again, don’t let them up. We can’t just walk away like nothing happened. Some people don’t understand that they are not going to stop. They truly believe in their hearts that they are doing the right thing. They believe that if they die during this war, their God will reward them. It’s a win win situation for them. If we pull out our troops now, it will all have been in vain. We have to keep the war over there. We can’t wait for them to come to us. A land war in America would be disastrous. What if the states of New Hampshire or California were a war zone? Whether your pro or con war I think we can both agree that it’s time to get on with whatever it is we’re doing. I know that more than 60+ percent want the troops to come home, but I still want us to help the oppressed. But as stated before “it’s taking to damn long”. I agree with the American body about the significant lose we’ve taken. I used to believe that there’s too much red tape with the U.N. or that NATO says we have to kick the enemies ass nicely. Now I know their intentionally not leaving. I don’t know if it’s for money, or power, or resources, butt it’s apparent they don’t want our troops to leave. Are we moving in? Do we want to take the oil? It’s obvious to everyone that somebody is making a huge profit in this war. We continue to set landmarks for the Iraqi government but they haven’t reached a single one. “Why” you ask? The reason for this is because just like the majority of politicians around the world, the Iraqi government is only in it for the money, not the people. They don’t want the war to end. War creates profit. During times of war the people aren’t concerned with the price of gas, electric rates, or day to day legislation. They just don’t want to get shot, or blown up! Meanwhile the members of their government sleep well at night. They have ample security. They definitely have ample cash. Why would they stop a war between people they don’t give a shit about? Why stop a war that’s paying the bills?
Why can’t we find Osama? Because we haven’t taken an intelligent course of action. All we have to do is offer 5mill, US citizenship, and a new identity to whoever snitches him out. Not every single one of them is a mahhamut freak or a Koran beater. Somebody sleeps in on Sunday. One of them is going to say "Screw it, I’ll take the cash. I’m tired of living in caves. I’m getting some beachfront and a Volvo".
And what about the troops that don’t want to be there? They signed up willingly. There’s no draft in effect. More and more are signing up every day. Did they expect to go through basic training and then just pull guard duty? Were they looking for a gravy train to pay for their college? I hope not. Because they joined a military. And militaries perform military actions.
And what about the phone taps? There are about 350 million people in America; I doubt they can listen to every one us. Their only listening to suspected terrorist. They don’t want to eastdrop on how fat Judy looked in that dress last night. If the police need to listen in on a pedophile, would you argue? No! If your worried about being tapped, and your not a affiliated with terrorism, your must be hiding something.
Chapter 4. Praise my lord.
Separation of God and country needs to actually take effect! Get the word God off the dollar bill, and out of the pledge of allegiance. Definitely keep it out of our government. Prominent members of any theological society should never be permitted to run for any office. There is absolutely no room in American politics for religion. That’s one of the reasons we started this country. So we wouldn’t have to feel the weight of religious pressures and ideas. Keep your religion off the ballot. In case you’re wondering, no I am not an atheist. And I don't want somebody else shoving their religious morals down my throat. And I surely don' want them to make their ideology law. Lets stick to the benefit of the living human race. We’ll make our own decisions on the here after.
I'd like to go to church and not get hit up for cash the same way my drunken uncle does it. I have never gone to church and not been asked for money. Is my savior hard up for cash? They collect the money and then say a prayer for it. WHAT? This is one hell of a performance to get your money. Bravo! We don’t need large embellished buildings to love our gods. I thought the whole idea was to be humble and love each other. I know of a church that spent 90 thousand dollars to buy the house next door. Then they knocked it down for 12 parking spots! Couldn’t they have of given it to a needy family? What a waste. I was always under the assumption that church was for learning not for looking. Would we not get the same effect if we held it in a public park? Or rented a hall? The bill of the collection plate would certainly be cheaper. There would be way more money to go to the charitable interests. They’re always asking for donations for the needy. I’m all for helping them. But yet I still can't help but wonder how many people that pipe organ, and stained glass could have feed. Some charities claim they can feed a starving child for 28 cents a day. Now if they were to sell that 20 million dollar church, think of how many kids would get feed. Religious leader should not be a full time job. Stop living off your congregation. I’m not saying there getting rich, but every single one of them owns a suit. I don’t own a suit. Why do the ones who are supposed to be the most giving have more than others? Bottom line. Religion shouldn’t cost a thing. You shouldn’t give 1 penny to any church. Your God lives in your heart. We don’t need to pay people without real jobs to tell us how to live in America. I’ll say it once again” we don’t need leaders"; we don’t need somebody "in charge". We don’t need somebody to tell us how to love and acknowledge our gods. As a matter of fact most religions come with instructions, the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, etc….. Testify.
Keep your religion to yourself. Its rude, irritating, and insulting to say your religion is Wright and mine is wrong. It’s not all right to knock at my door and try to sell me another religion. To tell me how much greater the ultimate result will be if I choose your beliefs. That’s like showing up at my house with a younger woman and telling me how much better she is than my wife. It doesn’t make sense to argue about a god that has so many similarities in almost every religion. Great floods, plagues, prophets, a god’s wrath, an abomination, and miracles. Lets stop fighting about petty differences. It’s safe to say that most of you are praying to the same god and don’t know it. The point of all religions is to try to benefit mankind the best you can while your here. It’s not your place to lead another to the holly land, they must make this decision on their own. Most people are not void of theological basic knowledge. Your God is not in buildings, he is not in books, he is not in words, He is in hearts. The gates to eternal redemption cannot be found in buildings, words, or money. It is found in actions.
There immediately needs to be an end to holly wars. I can’t imagine a God that wants you beat each other into rubble over small differences. To make woman, children, and men die for ideas that they live by. In every religion "Gods "are all knowing and all powerful. Why would they create a person destined to be slaughtered for not praising them?
Chapter 5. King Midas’ finger; the middle one.
Far too many people want to be the boss, owner, or an entrepreneur. Everybody’s in such a hurry to get to the easy and big money without paying dues to the business they’re in or learning enough about the business and let’s not forget about the contribution to society their avoiding. Too many people have a fantasy about sitting on their asses and watching the money roll in. It’s OK to just get a normal job and make a real impact on mankind. People are confusing the American dream of being able to pursue happiness and wealth with winning the lottery or getting an accidental promotion to CEO. I’m saddened every time I hear a 25-year-old say their going to open a restaurant. Their so excited and ready for success. But 99% of the time they just end up flushing 60K down the toilet and accumulate huge debt, probably ruining their lives. Every single day thousands of unready souls make this terrible decision. I’m not quite sure if It’s because they would rather be in charge or if they don’t want to work or if they’re truly stupid enough to believe that they’re ready. You shouldn’t open a restaurant just because you’ve been a fry cook for 5 years. Your mom shouldn’t open a bakery just because she makes good muffins. College athletes should major in a serious degree besides “liberal arts”, your probably not going to make it pro. And stop quitting your jobs to pursue your invention of the next pancake flipper. I’m not saying you can’t pursue your dreams. But be cautious. Get a degree no matter what. Actually get significant training, experience, and knowledge in whatever it is your going to pursue. But the odds say there’s a nice cubicle waiting for you. And it’s probably your turn to run for coffee.
Chapter 6. The “Stupid” game
It’s come to my attention that Americans like to ask questions to things they already know the answer to. On top of asking the stupid questions they then ask them again, as if they didn’t understand the answer the first time. As if they’re avoiding the true response. Here are some examples.
1. How can I lose some weight? A typical response would be “eat smarter and get some exercise in your life”. Which is the correct answer. Do you agree with this? I hope so. As a matter of fact, you’ve probably heard the words diet and exercise every single day of your life. There’s no reason to buy another weight loss book, pay for another class, or go to another fitness rally. I just told you the answer to weight loss. Want to hear it again? “Diet and exercise”. So why the hell are people still looking for ways to lose weight? Because they don’t want to “diet and exercise”. If you eat like a pig and sit on your ass 16 hours a day, there’s no reason to ask the stupid question. Here’s something you’ll never hear “I’ve been eating healthy and jogging for a year, but I just can’t shake these unwanted pounds”. So there it is. The answer that changed the double chin of America. We don’t need to talk about it anymore, ever. We don’t need any new products. We don’t need to see or hear about it on TV. I personally don’t care if you lose weight or not. And I definitely don’t want to hear that question.
2. How can I get my credit and finances worked out? The answer you’ll get is “Make a budget and live by it. Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford. And start paying off your debts.” This sounds like a winner to me. Every successful family in America lives by this answer. Stop buying self help finance books. Quit with the seminars. Don’t pay somebody to consolidate your debt. I just gave you the answer to credit and finances. Once again? “Make a budget and live by it. Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford. And start paying off your debts.” But for some reason your still looking for a way to put your bank account in the green. It’s because you don’t want to pay off your debt. It’s because you want to buy shit you don’t need. If you eat fast food 7 times a week and you’re a regular at the nudey bar, there’s no need to ask the stupid question. Here is something you’ll never hear “ I’m a productive citizen with a job. I live within my miens and save for a rainy day. But I just can’t seem to get my credit in order”. There you have it. Debt free. Now quit asking the question.
3. Why does everyone I date treat me like shit? Because “you’re an unassertive weenie, who doesn’t stand up for yourself”. Right on the money, wouldn’t you say? Happy marriages consist of 2 people that respect themselves. No more counseling. No group meetings. No more letters to prison. How about an encore for the speed daters? “Grow some backbone, flash some sack, don’t be a pee on”. But as predictable as you are, you’ll probably watch late night TV while he/she “works late”. So don’t ask the damn question anymore. Another thing you’ll never hear “My spouse and myself respect each other and ourselves. We see our relationship and lives as a 50/50 split. But we don’t seem to be happy”. In a nut shell ladies and gents. So stop asking.
This is merely a couple of subjects in the “stupid” game. We all know the majority of the answers we seek. We’re really just checking to see if there’s an easier way. Well, there’s usually not. So fight the good fight or live fucking miserable. Either way around it stop asking stupid questions.
Chapter 7. Shisims my Isims
Racism is just a truly idiotic way of thinking. Yesterday would’ve been a good time to end this. We all together need to abandon the titles that categorize us. Not a single one us is white, black, yellow, or red. Clouds are white, I am not. I’m more of a pale peachy color. Nobody for any reason needs to refer to the color of your skin!” except medical reasons, maybe". They need to take this question off every form and document. Even personal adds. Nobody needs to know what color you are until they meet you. If somebody must know what color you are. Tell them the chromatic truth. Tell them your toffee, tanish, hazel nut, very light pink, break out the color swatches and find out what color you really are. Unfortunately were not ever going to completely get rid of racism. There’s always going to be that one jerk off. Throwing around the “N” word, or making jokes about selling oranges by the highway. The good news is racism is fading. Maybe not as fast as we would like it, but were getting there. Some people are truly embedded in there ways, and were not going to be able to change their views. That’s why a race free country has to start with our children. The first time your child asks a question about somebody who’s different, you simply tell them” people are like puppies; they come in all different colors, shapes, and sizes. And they all do the same things, bark, eat, and poop."
Homophobes? Are you really scared or offended by gay people? Why would you give a shit about somebody else’s sexual preferences? If a man wants to kiss another mans hairy ass, then so be it. Mind your own business. If two lesbians want to adopt a child, they’re giving that child a home. At least they have two parents in the household. That’s more than I can say for a lot of other people. I think homosexuality is great. It takes allot men off the playing field, giving me better odds. I think girl on girl action is pretty hot. Even without these bonuses, its there right as a human being. Why aren’t we letting them get married? Because religion has been sticking its big fat nose in the government. I think if 3 or 4 people want to get married they should be. Think of how many role models their kids would have. Fortunately very soon these marriages will be legal. But not because people have seen the light, It’ll be because marriage has little value “cash and feeling” in America anymore.
Sexism. Does this even really need to be an issue? Non of us would be here without the other.” End of story".
Fattist. Now this is just stupid. It’s bad enough we get persecuted for color, religion, sexuality, and personal views. Now we got to be the right shape and size? I thought a little extra weight just meant good eaten. I’m fat. So what. I got a gut, tree trunk thighs, and breastacles. I don’t like the term "manboobs". I don’t have much reason or luster to start losing weight. And if you don’t like my jiggles you can kiss my fat ass. Were teaching our kids to starve themselves. Little girls are living off diet soda and lettuce. Sometimes were lucky if they keep it down. Sadly, most us are our own fattists. Were oppressing ourselves. Why do we feel a need to weigh as much as a 14-year-old boy? Because the media rubs it in our face. Fashion models going up and down the runway looking half starved. Movies and TV shows with a cast of "perfect” people. Only allowing the image of fatless to be perceived as attractive and sexy. Can I tell you a little secret? Fat people are having sex too. And it’s pretty damn good! Stop contributing to their cause. Stop watching those shows. Don’t buy their designer clothing. And please stop buying weight loss crap off TV. If for some medical or psychological reason you do "need” to lose weight, consult a doctor, stop eating so much, and exercise. That’s it! There is no magic pill. And if there was a magic pill it would cost 10,000$ a pop. Don’t buy exercise machines one after another. Everybody has the same question about exercise machines.” Does it work"? The truth is, if it provides resistance or makes your heart rate increase, it works. You just have to keep using it. But I think I'm just gona have another milkshake.
Ageist. Nowadays it's a sin to grow old. People will do anything to hide their age. Plastic surgery, botox, pills, even lies. Back in the day if you asked a man how long he wanted to live he'd tell you "long enough to see the grandkids prosper a little". If you ask him today, the answer is "forever". Do people really want to be 150 years old? I don't know about you, but I'd get pretty damn bored of the whole thing. It’s OK to die .The world will keep turning.
Whitey? Not all "white” people are successful. Far from it. They don’t all wear $4,000 suits, call important shots, and keep everyone else from getting a slice of the pie. I’m white and I don’t have shit. As far as “whitey" is concerned I'm just another piece of white trash. ”White" is no longer a color. It’s a culture. If you don’t make vast amounts of money, have a "perfect" figure and face, or provide entertainment, your not going to make it far in this culture. There are people of every race, religion, and gender that have made it into this culture. And these select few hold the majority of American money and respect. White people are not your enemy any more,” Elitist" are. Very soon everyone will be aware of the war in America.” The Rich vs. the Poor". As always, the middle class will pay for it.
Excuses! Isms do exist. But just because your not white, male, Christian, heterosexual, rich, and in great shape, does not mean your being held back or oppressed. America has been working on isms for years. Hatred of the different is depleting more and more every day. The top runners for the next presidency are a female and a "black man". Once one of them take this job, they’ll have of achieved the best position one could have, leader of the free world! This will open doors for the rest of us. All you need to succeed is a college diploma and the will to prosper. And if you find yourself in the same status of life, you’re going to have to ask yourself if you’ve been a victim of isms, or if you’re just a loser?
I'm tired of hearing words like "tolerance" or "acceptance", they’re ineffective. I’ve got a new word,” business". As in "mind your own fucking business".
Chapter 8. Waliworld
Why is minimum wage bellow the poverty level? This doesn’t make any sense. If the bare minimum a person can make leaves them destitute, then obviously we need to pay them more. If somebody with absolutely no education and no skills worked in fast-food 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, that person should have made at least a penny over the poverty level. I’m not saying that they should make 30$ an hour flipping burgers, by no means should they get rich doing these "bottom" jobs. But if a person does honest work they shouldn’t be left in poverty.” What about small businesses Rich? The owners can’t afford to pay more“. Sweatshops live by this credo also. They just couldn’t make ends meet if they had to pay something that would allow the worker to pay bills. If your workers are on the straight and narrow they shouldn’t be poor. If you cant afford to pay your employees a real wage then your business sucks or your just greedy.” Slave wages” need to end. We can’t have people putting in full time work for half a lifestyle.
With that said. If you been working at a big box store for 8 years and you find your bank account isn't flourishing, it’s not because you’re being held back. It’s not because your employer is unfair. It’s because in the last 8 years you haven’t gotten a proper college education, which in return would allow you to get a job that would make a much larger impact on your bank account. In other words, you’re a loser, and your still relying on the same old job designed for 20-year-old potheads. Either get an education, or give me my fries.
Unions? The great depression is over. Americans don’t need unions anymore. You shouldn’t get a job and then collectively decide with your coworkers how much money you want to make. I don’t think it's fair that you agree to the terms of the job when you were hired and now you want to change them. If you don’t like your job, then get a different one. Unions aren't all their cracked up to be anyway. You have to pay union dues, which is like paying to have a job? And I’ve seen a few union handbooks, they’re about 3 pages of rights and 60 pages of rules, literally. The only people that get a real benefit from unions are the people that run the unions. They don’t give a shit about you; they just want your dues. How do we protect the worker? Mandatory profit sharing.
Broken dreams? Not every person is going be a movie star, pop icon, business owner, pro athlete, lottery winner, or inventor of the next wheel. Once again I’m not saying you shouldn’t peruse your dreams, Buuuuuut; people also need to be realistic about their futures. Some people call a college education a "safety net". But 99% of the time, it turns out to be their "career". Sooooo, It’s time to make college mandatory! That’s right, they should all stay in school until their at least 22.Keep them at home, what did you know at 18? Nothing. And colleges need to be state owned and operated just like grades K-12.We could use the lottery money to pay for this,” education was it's original intent". It’s hard enough that a child decides their life when they really don't know shit, but were giving them the option to not go to college? Lets stop breeding gas pumpers. “Bottom" jobs are for high school kids that need to pay cell phone bills or car insurance, not for a 30-year-old man to raise a family of 4.Lets educate America.
Did I offend you? Sorry .I wasn’t speaking about the people of today. We already know your not going to anything with your life. I’m planning for the winners of tomorrow, something people rarely do.
President of the moon? Most people didn’t grow up wanting to work at a pencil factory, or be a roofer, or sit in a cubicle 8 hours a day while your boss monitors your internet activity. Nobody dreamed of this while they were kids. You wanted to be ballerinas, pro wrestlers, guitarist, raise ponies, president of the U.S., or even president of the moon. I kind of like the sound of “president of the moon”. It would be an awesome job. All that moon, and your in charge. Sound un realistic? Not really. We can already get people up there. Soon or a later somebody’s gonna claim it. They’ll need a president. “President of the moon”. The office would have a pretty sweet view. I encourage everybody to run for this office. All that I ask, is while your waiting for the election results to be tallied, could you please get an education. You might not be the one sworn in.
Chapter 9. To gestate or not to gestate, that is the question
Two single-minded parties will never settle the argument of abortion. Instead of "Choice” terminating the pregnancy, and instead of "Life" worrying about "Choices" moral fiber and offspring, I submit a compromise. Why don’t we find a way to take the fetus from the unwanting mother and place it into a wanting mother? Or perhaps we could use the artificial inutero or gestation pods "whatever they call them" that they were going to use for cloning? Is everybody happy now?” Choice" can still live carefree and "Life" can get some sleep.
People with fertility problems or those looking to adopt would kill for a child. They would be more than willing to contribute to this research.
Chapter 10. Filler...half way up
Your average American is not waiting for a fuel that is environmentally conscious, renewable, or easy to obtain. They simply wanted their fuels to be cheaper. To be honest with you the average American cannot financially afford to be "environmentally friendly". It’s to damn expensive. Electric cars sometimes cost twice as much as gas cars. “Woohoo, I’m saving the planet, but my family is going to starve to death". Corn based fuels pretty much cost the same as petroleum fuels. “Yaaaay, when we run out of oil, they can still bleed us". For some reason it cost a fortune to help the planet. Some people say, "We can’t afford to not partake in these earthly acts no mater what the cost". As you would expect, I say, "We would, If we could afford them". I love how celebrities tell us about the alternatives, the new ways of helping the planet, but realistically, they’re the only ones that have the money to make these changes. And sometimes they’re the ones who invested in the new technology. Meaning they’re the ones who would profit from these changes. The same companies that sell you gasoline are withholding other alternative resources. It doesn’t really matter what fuel they sell you, they’re still going to charge you an arm and a leg for it. It wouldn’t matter if the world could run off of jellybeans. They would corner the market and charge you $40 a pound.
There are several resources we could use, but the fuel industry doesn’t want us to because they wouldn’t make any money .The sun shines 24 hours a day on earth for free. Why are we not taking advantage of this? Everyone has seen a car, home, or random gadget that runs on solar energy. Can you really believe that in the last 30 years, nobody has improved on this technology? B.S.!
A city bus runs off of natural gas, why cant a car? And you know if the city is going to pay for something it’s going to be the cheapest. But do the rest of us get to have a budget cutter? NO! The human body runs on simple sugars. Has anybody looked into this? Methane comes from pig shit. That’s right "pig shit". What else do pigs do in their day? If that’s not cheap, renewable, and easy to obtain, I don’t know what is.
I'd like to see a fuel that wasn’t research by existing fuel providers. You know their not going to offer something that’s cheaper than what they’re already selling. They don’t research to save the planet, cut the cost for consumers, or benefit humanity. They research to make a profit. Finding a new efficient fuel isn’t the problem. Finding a supplier who doesn’t want to pillage your dollars is the problem.
We have had the technology and resources to fuel America cheaply and intelligently for years, but that would just be to gentle on your wallet. I refuse to accept another "alternative" unless it cost less than a dollar a gallon.
Chapter 11. Ghetto fabulous
Regretfully, somebody has to mention the flaws of the lower, lower class. Why are they failing to participate in the American dream? Is it because life is passing them by, and they don’t know it? Is it because fate dealt them a bad hand? Is It because society as a whole hasn’t contributed to their cause? Or is it simply because these people don’t have enough ambition to thrive? I’ll go with the later. Generally speaking, there’s only a couple of ways to be left in the lower, lower class.
1. Not having a job. As much as I like to bitch about America, I can at least say that the American government realizes that they can’t make money off of us, unless we have money to give. I’m tired of hearing that there’s not enough jobs. Pick up the news paper, there’s always somebody looking to hire new employees. Maybe these aren‘t the jobs you want, but something is better than nothing. Africa doesn’t have enough jobs. America on the other hand, truly is the land of opportunity. America is the only place in the world where the job is just as replaceable as the employee. America has so many jobs people sneak into the country to work. America has so many jobs we let people into the country to work. There’s no such thing as “I can’t find a job”. You just can’t find a job you want. That’s if to say you truly do want to work. In conclusion, get a job you fucking bum.
2. Bad credit/debt. Stop spending money on shit you can’t afford. It’s not a difficult concept. Don’t spend money you don’t have. Credit cards are the devil. If you’re 20 bucks short on your rent, don’t buy a soda at the gas station. If you have just enough money for groceries, you don’t need to go to the bar. Drugs and alcohol are saturated in poor communities. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to be a drug addict? You can’t waste money on “extras” when you work with such a restricted budget. “Sounds like the actions of congress”. Parents in these communities aren’t reflecting good money management to their kids. Sometimes the parents ruin their children’s credit before they’re adults. People piss and moan about gym class being cut from the schools, but I believe we need to piss and moan about some sort of credit and personal finance class. This will get kids ready for the world.
3. Absolutely no education. Ever wonder why your not a doctor? Ever wonder why you can’t seem to land that architect job? Ever wonder why every job you’ve ever had pays minimum wage? It’s because you don’t have an education. I am completely baffled when people bitch about the status of their lives, when they have no education. If you have absolutely no education, the only thing you’re qualified for is manual labor, grunt work, the trenches, piss bucket emptier, basically everything that educated people don’t want to do.
Now that I’ve pointed out the basic faults ”somebody had to say it”, let’s get to the problem solving.
1. Get a job and keep it. It doesn’t have to be a glamorous job. If you’re already living lower, lower class, obviously your not above shit. Love your job. Respect your job.
2. Start paying off all of your debts. Which in return will allow you to feel better as a person and allow you to get a loan for education.
3. Get a bachelors degree or better. America has enough high school diplomas and GEDs. They’re practically worthless nowadays. So shoot for the gold.
There we have it folks. Reform for the unformed. Admittedly it’s going to be a tough couple years to get through it. But it’s better than your whole life being tough. “Man, I really am insensitive”.
Chapter 12. Keep the change
60% of American money belongs to an elite 1% of the population. This is sheer greed. This leaves 99% of us kicking and screaming to split a mere 40% of the pie. If we take 100 people, and$100, one person gets $60 all to their self, and 99 people have to split $40.That comes to about .40 cents a piece. If you divide $60 by 40 cents, it comes out to 150. That means the "elite” have 150 x more than 99% of America. If the average American makes $40,000 then the average "elitist” makes 6 million.40% goes into 100% 2.5x.If we could loosen the grip of the elitist, the average American that made $40,000 could then make $100,000.“Go ahead, get your calculator“! How much money does one person need to earn in a year? Do they wanna choke to death on it? They keep the majority of cash tied up for generations, never to recirculate, never allowing anyone else to get a decent piece. Their kids will never have to worry about money. “If” they decide to go to college, their tuition and living expenses are in the bag. If they decide to do nothing with their lives, who gives a shit, they’re already rich. Isn't America for everyone? Everybody supposed to get a chance to excel, right? How are we gonna do this if the "elitist” are hording 60% of everything. How do we solve this? By making a an income cap on everybody. No exceptions.100 thousand dollars a year. If you can’t make it on 100 thousand dollars a year, you’re a greedy bastard. Together Ma and Pa could make 200 K.What will big companies do with all these "extra" profits? How about actually giving their employees a descent pay raise, how about giving to medical research, how about starving children, how about anything except keeping it all to their damn self’s? Spread the wealth. A billion dollars should make 10,000 families very comfortable. Yep, 100 thousand is plenty. Nobody needs his or her own Hawaiian island.
Assets? Not a single person should be allowed to have more than 2.5million in liquid and solid assets. The "elitists” need to be relieved of all the revenue there blatantly keeping out of reach of the American worker. The wasteful lifestyle their leading is leaving the rest of this country "99%" to live on less than half of what there is to give. It doesn’t matter if they think they earned it. Nobody has "earned” that much money. Did they solve world hunger, create world peace, cure AIDS, or stop breast cancer? No. That money needs to run its course through true, honest, and well-deserved American earnings. If a person cant retire on 2.5 million, they lead a lazy and fantasy lifestyle.
I predict that if we try to take this money back that the "elitist" will attempt to flee America with 60% of our money. They’ll show absolutely no patronage to the country where they were treated like royalty. They’ll show no compassion for the people that they want to abandon with only 40% of Americas economy to pay "all” the taxes, bills, charities, relief funds, schools, basically every single aspect that makes America tick. We need to put a hold on their money. And if they move that money in anyway shape or form, we need to immediately retrieve it and declare these steps as acts of treason.
What I’m finding to be truly fantastic about this whole thing is that the "elite” is a not secret society of people. They’re not hiding from view. They’re not just billionaires living secluded lives. On the contrary we see them everyday on TV! Celebrities, movie stars, Big business owners, pop icons, CEOs, even your favorite sports athlete. These people are the ones making millions every year. The first time I heard 1% of the population owns 60% of the money was from a senator on the news. He talked on about how outrageous this was. How unfair this is. Then it donned on me “he’s apart of the 1%". The same people you elect to fight for, work for, and represent you, are the same ones taking more than their fair share. The same ones keeping you poor. The same ones that give themselves raises. Are we gonna stand up or not? They have completely monopolized all the money in America. Personally, I’m tired of waiting to land on free parking.
Chapter 13. What’s wrong with these damn kids?
Their parents! Nobody has time for their kids. First things first, over half of marriages end in divorce, which in return leaves two single parents to raise there kids separately. Now, we have to be away from the kids to go to work, our school/ their school, everybody has a hobby, going to need to spend time with a girl/boyfriend’ nobody wants to be alone forever.” masturbating gets old". So when are we spending time with our kids? If you’re only seeing your child 2 hours a day, you’re an ineffective parent. You’re not making an impact on your child’s future. You’re not shaping their minds. These things will be done blindly from the people you trust and the people you pay. It’s not O.K. to have children when both parents want to keep a full time career. Somebody “man or woman” has to make the effort and sacrifice to be a parent. Why did you have kids if neither of you want to raise them? Planned or unplanned, I know what you’re thinking, “What about our budget Rich”. Assuredly I tell you “Downsize, get a smaller house you can afford, actually set a reasonable budget, get a used car, it‘s alright to buy generic groceries, cut corners, move back in with your parents if you have to. Who the hell cares? Just do what it takes so you can make it on one paycheck. Or maybe one of you could work at night after the other gets home. Just as long you’re with your children. Whatever it takes for one of the parents to be able to personally raise their kids“. The childcare and babysitting industries are booming. It’s hard enough to care for and spend time with 2.5 kids. I doubt a single babysitter can properly care for your children and 9 others. It’s not realistic. Every parent must know this. All their doing is keeping your kids from hurting themselves and feeding them. Our children aren’t getting the love, time, and affection that they deserve. Stop having kids if you’re just going to pay somebody else to raise them. Childcare is nothing more than a dog chain.
Nowadays there are 10 thousand reasons to get rid of our kids. There’s soccer, football, karate, and anything else they can think of to get rid of them. You wouldn’t believe how many people put their kids on the Sunday school bus and don’t go with them. You can’t make your kids go to church when you haven’t been there in 15 years. They’re just getting rid of their kids. Preschool? We already have a system to get your child ready for school, it’s called kindergarten. The American dream has become a unicycle, highly unwieldy and only room for one. The parenting priority has fallen to the bottom of the list. I find it astonishing how many people have managed to excel in their careers, kept the bank account high, bought a beautiful house, doing well with their spouse, but their kids turned out fucked up. Let me ask you this.” If the only way your child could pay for college was for you to sell your house, and you had to start all over, would you"? Betcha wouldn’t. Because your kids are not your number one priority. People have a child and think what a beautiful baby. Then they start to get tired of spending all their time with them. They can’t wait until they start school, just to get a break. Then they get tired of spending evenings with their kids. They can’t wait until the kids are old enough to stay home alone, so they can go out. Why do you think we don’t here about kids sneaking out the window anymore? Because they jus let them leave out the front door. Why do you think so many parents buy their kids cars and pay for their insurance? So that the kids will leave. A cell phone is not a parent. It gets to the point where parents only see there kids 15 minutes a day. Enough time to bitch at them and give them some money. Kids do the same thing you do when your boss bitches. They think to themselves “I really wish you’d go away. And give me more money”. The teenage years are very impressionable. And parents are in such a hurry to get on with their own lives that they completely abandon their kids. People need to understand that when you give life you have to give yours up. And it doesn’t end when your children are 18.If your child is 25 and still isn’t ready for the real world, you still have some parenting to do. We need to spend more time with our kids. When you stop being the person who your child spends the majority of their time with, that’s when you stop being that child’s role model. So who is your child’s role model then? Probably another unguided child they run around with all day. So the next time you say, “that’s not the way I raised you "it's probably because "you" didn’t raise them.
They say it takes village to raise a child. But the child shouldn’t be raised by the village. I’m not sure if I want this village to have any part of my child’s upbringing. Nobody gives a crap about other peoples kids anymore. They don’t have time for their own kids, non the less yours. They don’t even want your kids playing in their yards. Back in the 50's a kid could go to just about any adult and get sound advice. Now they avoid your kids like the plague. How many times have you been driving down the road and seen a kid that wrecked on their bike? Did you ever once stop to help them up? What if that was your kid? Wouldn’t you want somebody to help your child? The adults in our communities are terrible role models. Look at the less than modest clothes little girls wear now. Children aren't selling hip hugging jeans to them selves, their specifically marketed to little kids by a 40-year-old man. Why are they allowed to sell sexually provocative clothing to children? And why the hell are we buying these clothes for our children? Other people only want to profit from your kids. They don’t care a single thing about them, unless they’re getting a dollar out of them. Look at how expensive it is to raise a child. Diapers, formula, milk, clothes they grow out of in 3 months, medical insurance, and whatever else they might need. Humans have been having children "literally" since the dawn of man. Shouldn’t these things be cheaper? Shouldn’t they be everyday commodities? YES! It cost on average 2000$ more to die than it cost to be born. This just goes to show that were willing to let a person into this world as long as we can profit from them. We pay our teachers as little as possible. The People who are educating our kids, not to mention the people that our kids spend the majority of their time with. A police officer makes more than twice as much as a teacher. If we would pay our teachers enough for them to give a shit, they’d be better role models for our children. Creating a better product. Then we wouldn’t need as many police officers. Stop spending our tax money on your local governors plane rides, and pay the teachers. These are the people that make a difference.
Children learn from example. Not from words.” Do as I say not as I do “doesn’t work. Hitler wanted a world of blonde hair and blue eyes; he had neither of these traits. Things didn’t work out for him. If you smoke, your kid is probably going to smoke. If you go out to the bar on weekends, don’t be surprised if your 15-year son comes home drunk. If you let your kids watch "R" movies, you know why they say, "fuck". You can’t teach your kids the importance of education if you don’t even have a GED. They’ll just think” mom made it without one, so can I". Don’t get into screaming matches in front of them.” This is how dad solves problems, so should I". If the kid that biffed on the bike sees everyone just driving by and not helping them up, their being taught that they don’t need to help others. Shelter your kids from negative influences. Teach them the world is beautiful, and full of prosperity. Keep them as naive as possible for as long as possible. Their whole world should be nothing more than unicorns, candy coated rainbows, and board games. Some people would say “this prevents children from being prepared for the real world“. I say “we can’t teach our children adult themes, because they’re going to act upon them“. Do whatever you have to do to keep your child's mind pure. Lie your ass off. The only thing your going to have to show when you die is your children. It doesn’t matter how much money you made, how great your career turned out, or even your social status. Your kids will reflect what kind of person you really were. Kids don’t raise themselves. If your child continues to fail, its not because their not trying hard enough. Its because you did a shity job. Parenthood is never over; you’re a mother/father for life.
Parents should have the option of giving 11-year-old children vasectomies or the pill. This will dramatically reduce teen pregnancy. Religious folks will probably say, "this will give the youth another reason to have sex", and then I will say, "Parental absence is how the youth are allowed to have sex“.
A little too far from tree? If you actually were a good parent, but somehow your kid is just not cutting it in society, then I got a few pointers for you.
1. Never, ever, ever give them cash. If they need help with the rent, then tell them to give you what they have of the rent money, then you cover the difference and pay the rent yourself. If they say they need grocery money, take them to the store yourself. Never, ever, ever give them cash. You’ll find out real quick if they truly need money, or if they just wanna get high, drunk, give it to their loser boy/girlfriend, or just plain blow it.
2. Never, ever, ever let them move back in just so they can save up money. They’ll just move out, fail again and move back in. Instead of going thru this process, let them move in on the condition that they go back to school and live under your rules. This way you get to influence them a little more and they get an education, which in return will lead o success.
3. If your child is in prison, don’t just let them just sit there. Send them correspondence education packages. This way when they get out they’re not still stuck with the same pathetic life.
4. Most important of all. Be sure to tell the rest of the family that you already fucked up your child’s life, and you don’t need any help from them. So grandma and grandpa can stop with the $50 hand outs. It’s not helping.
Chapter 14. It’s simply the best. Better than an orgasm.
Is the FCC ever going to do something about the lying bastards on commercials. I love the small disclaimers at the bottom of the screen. I couldn’t read them even if they did manage to leave them on for more than 5 seconds. Don’t buy anything that says “results not typical”. To me this means I have to be pretty damn lucky for this product to work for me. I could count on a wood shop teachers hand how many times I’ve been that lucky. I could come up with thousands of ways to reduce the risk of disappointment. But I find the only true way is trial and error. There for I propose at least a 30 trial on all products. And if you find the product to be crap, then you should get a complete refund. S&H also. They’re the ones that asked you to try the product. They should pay for the shipping. Shipping’s a part of the huge scam anyway. The product companies make deals with the mailing and shipping companies. Cutting themselves a nice piece of the freighting business. I found this to be apparent when I started seeing $8.99 products “which were obviously shitty” with $5.00 S&H charges. Even if you refund the item they keep the S&H. Sometimes I think they don’t even care if you keep the product, they just want the S&H.
Do we really need to see the same commercials a thousand times during a single program? It’s annoying.
Mail in rebates are stupid. Just let me keep my money now
Pepsi and Coke should just merge forces. It’s about a 50/50 split anyway. Two heads are better than one. Everybody’s aware you guys rule and the competitors suck. So stop advertising, were going to buy your products no matter what.
Internet pop ups should be illegal. They cause damage to your computer by slowing them down and giving them viruses. I also can’t stand the ones that lie to you. Like the ones that promise a new TV for shooting the duck in the ass. Isn’t this false advertisement? They tell you that they have pop up advertisement to help pay for the web site, but the truth is a web site only cost about $25 a year.
How many times have you seen a beautiful cheeseburger advertised on TV, and when you finally get one it looks likes a clown car ran it over? They probably spent 2 hours preparing the one for the commercial. Love and harmony was put into this product. Yours on the other hand was slapped together by an underpaid “therefore uncaring” individual.
McDonalds should ditch their current fish sandwich and replace it with a real deep fried walleye filet. Served with onion, pickle, mayo, and offer hot sauce packets. Despite the price hike I would buy this yummy samich.
Whatever happened to good customer service? The customer happened. People are to damn demanding, needy, and just plain rude.
I’m tired of hearing the words "up to". You can lose up to 20 pounds, you can make up to $1,000,you can benefit up to blah, blah, blah. I need to hear the bare minimum I’ll get. I need to know the least to expect. I need to know Ill lose at least 5 pounds, I need to know Ill make at least $100, I need to know Ill benefit at least Blah, blah, blah. I need to hear the words "at least". We need results, not dreams.
All print on any contract should be the same size.
Don’t buy anything new on the market for at least a year. They’ll work out the kinks and lower the price.
Could religious groups, salesmen, and other non-warranted random encounterist please stop knocking at my door? I’m gonna start answering without pants.
Chapter 15. Ahh hell no moto
Get off the phone .GET THE HELL OFF THE PHONE! It's ridiculous. People are constantly on the phone. And most of them aren't making business deals, their not communicating needs, their just running their mouths. Most of you do not need to be accessible 24/7.Your not Donald Trump. I can’t begin to imagine how many car wrecks, marriage break ups, rude interruptions, wasted amounts of money, jobs lost, and even fist fights have been caused by this. Are Americans lonely and bored? What are you talking about for so long? Does anybody like the sound of silence?” It’s nice". Or are we personally needy? It’s gotten to the point where businesses, states, and the government are putting restrictions on when you can use them. Do they need to do this? Does America have the intelligence to know when to turn off their phones?” Have some respect for the public."
Just like braces, every 10-year-old kid does not need a cell phone. If your child needs a cell phone, you’re not spending enough time with them. What the hell are they going to talk about? “Hey Billy, wanna play G.I Joe?” I was shopping at a store; talking to a friend and a child who couldn’t be older than 11 "shhed" me because "he was on the phone” Was he deciphering the omega code? NO. His mother was telling him to meet her on the other side of the store. Cell phones shouldn’t be used as remote parenting. Cell phones do not make the impression that you do. Cell phones do no see what goes on in between calls.
Extras on top of the bill? It’s outrageous how much we spend on over usage. Cell phones come with minute plans. Be smart about how many minutes you use! Choose a plan that fits your lifestyle. Stop gabbing mindlessly. And yes I do have a cell phone. And if I have 60 minutes, I have 60 phone calls. If you need to talk to me for more than a minute, it’s obvious we need to have a face to face. Stop buying downloads; you just get bored with them in a day. Stop texting, if I cant take your call right now, I don’t need to know the right color cap of milk to pick up on the way home.
And for the love of god can they please stop charging us for a whole minute when we only use 15 seconds.
Chapter 16. I feel so Green
Saving the planet would probably be a good idea. The problem is that nobody can really financially afford to do it. Going “Green” is single handedly going to break middle class America. They already live on a dictated budget. Almost every penny is already accounted for. Butt we all know they’re just going to have to dig a little deeper. The Green Meanie is going to drop every aspect of their already modest lives down a notch. Cheaper foods, used not new cars, crappier schools for their kids, no more vacations, downgrade on clothing, no braces for princess, and they can kiss goodbye what little they had planned to put away for a rainy day.
Now, I know your about to ask me” Why would helping the planet cost more money? Wouldn’t conserving energy actually save money? “ And now I tell you “What a cute 2nd grade class you are. You’re dismissed for recess.” You must realize that going green isn’t only about saving energy, cleaning up pollution, or protecting the great horned owls. It’s about change. Change in the fuels we use. The new fuels are going to be expensive as hell. The corn based fuels hit the stores with an immediate heavy price tag. It’s about change in the transportation and engines we use. You know these things will be pricey. It’s about change in the way you heat and cool your home. There will be mandatory laws for lower emission and consumption air conditioners, central air units, refrigerators, even washers and dryers. All of which will have to be replaced with newer technologies. Expensive, expensive. You damn well know that astronomical profits will made off of these changes. Just like AIDS and cancer, more money will be made in profits than the donations that went into the cure. Middle class will no longer be the virtue of America they once were. They’ll be pathetic grovels. Borderline surfs. A stable retirement will no longer just be difficult, it’ll be flat out impossible. If you’ve ever asked yourself “How much money can they take” I hope you’re ready to find out.
There will be speeches of how we need to better the planet. There will be demonstrations of new expensive fuels we need to use. There will showcases of breaking technology that we “have” to afford. And there will be me saying “We’s ass”. We didn’t make a fortune off of oil. We didn’t get massive bank accounts from plastic. And we certainly didn’t get rich off of aerosols and those stupid 80’s haircuts.
Everyone is aware that the health of the planet is a priority. Butt the middle class simply do not have the money. Their pockets are turned out, you can’t get blood from a stone, nada, nothing to give. A hand full of the “fortunate” will attempt to ease the burden, but won’t really make a dent at all. 5-10 years from now the middle class will wish they never uttered the words “I’m going green.”
Chapter 17.Freeze, ATF
Guns? We do not need guns in America anymore. It’s a device designed for one purpose, to kill. Everyone should be stripped of this ultimate solution. Including the police, but not the military, “at least until the rest of the world has caught on.” What about the right to bare arms"? Guns are not the only armament. There are thousands of things you could use to defend yourself and family. How about a baseball bat? Not good enough for you? Let me hit you in the head with one, then well see if you question the effectiveness of a bat. How about a bee bee gun, taser, mace, sword, a board with nails in it, maybe even a big stick? Do you need to be able to kill a person? Do you need the power of God in your hands? The majority of people campaigning to keep guns don’t just want to defend their homes. Their gun enthusiast, hunters, people that like to go to the gun range. Their also the same people who these guns get stolen from, and a horrible act gets committed with’em. I’m fairly confident most gang members committing drive byes don’t have FOID cards. We can’t continue to let these atrocities happen just because somebody needs a hobby. I find it hysterical that they took lawn darts off the market, but you can still buy a 357 with hollow points which can blow up a cow’s head. at least put a gps on them.
Booze? Its legal. Why does their need to be a special alcohol license? Why does their need to be a liquor tax? It’s just another way for the government to make money from a business. If it’s legal then stop making us pay for it like its something special. Instead just incorporate laws that are fitting. Like, don’t let bars have parking lots. Its illegal to drink and drive, most states have a one beer driving level, the only purpose a bar has is to serve liquor. So why do bars have parking lots? It should be nothing but grass or perhaps an oriental motif. We shouldn’t only card people that look under 30."ID every time should be our motto". No matter what. Even if it’s obvious. No ID, no booze. Send an old with an oxygen tank back to his car to get it. Why don’t they make these obviously realistic solutions mandatory? Because your state makes a fortune off of DUI’s, illegal consumption, and anything else they can get their hands on.
Smokers? Stop smoking around people that don’t smoke. Its rude, annoying, and smells terrible to non-smokers. After that is said, stop forcing business owners to go non-smoking. It’s there business and they should have the right to choose for themselves. If a person is bothered by smoking, then they should go to/work at a business that is non-smoking. I’m pretty sure there could be smoking bars and non-smoking bars. It’s not a difficult problem to solve. Smokers should know by now that it’s not good for them or others. So just let them smoke with each other.
P.S.
The American economy would crumble without tobacco taxes.
Chapter 18.Blanket care
Lack of healthcare in this country directly reflects the true in compassion that politicians have for the common American. There is absolutely no reason a person should die because they cant afford medical and medicinal help. Universal healthcare is the only way to go. We can’t continue to let the elderly struggle for their pills. We have to stop children from being discharged from hospitals early simply because their "coverage” doesn’t “cover” it. It’s nearly impossible for a new cancer patient to get insurance without breaking the bank. We don’t need another library, museum, statue, tourist attraction, or anything else until we can afford to pay for everybody’s well being. Every single member of senate should be locked in a room together “with buckets” until they figure out how to assure the equal healthcare of every American.
Why are drug companies making so much damn money? They act as if their drugs are made of magic, or some rare space material. I’ve seen the periodic table of elements, these drugs must be made from one these things, and not just gold. What’s the point of a doctor taking the Hippocratic oath if the drug companies can deny you treatment? Shouldn’t drug companies take the oath?
Fret not I have the answer. Instead of us paying private insurance companies the government should open their own insurance company. We’ll call it "Healthcare". It’s easy. Simply take the money you were going to give to the private insurance company, and give it to the government for healthcare. This way, the profit that the insurance company would of made is now viable tax dollars working for you and healthcare. This way there’s no co-pays, no deductibles, and no restrictions on what hospital you go to.
This works the same for auto insurance. We’ll call it "Auto care". And since the governments not allowed to make a profit off of us, It’s gonna be a whole lot cheaper. I love how they made auto insurance mandatory but didn’t offer us any insurance.
This also works with banks. We’ll call it "Money care". Since there’s no profit or interest involved, you could pay off a new mortgage in about 10 years.
How about utilities? You guessed it,"Utility care".
Airports and train stations? “Travel care".
Commodities? “Comoda care".
Phone, cable TV, Internet, and other basic communications. “Communicare".
. Lets start making the money we spend on necessities work for us.
Chapter 19. Sicko's
Murderers and rapist should be hunted and killed on payper view television. Seriously! A person accused has the right to trial by peers or a judge, Who’s to say they cant invoke a lie detector test. Trials and tests of inhumane crimes should be broadcast. That way every body knows if the accused are innocent or if their sick fucks. If they get convicted of these atrocities, punishment should have wings. Stop wasting taxes on those we don’t want back in society We should drop them off on a deserted island and military troops with camera men should hunt them down. We could use the money to benefit the victims and families.
Shouldn’t the punishment for murder be the same no matter who the victim is. If you were to kill a productive member of society, there’s a good chance you’ll see day light again. But if you kill a police officer you can kiss your ass goodbye. Kill the president and it’s an act of treason. The common person should have the same amount of worth no matter what their title. Killing hard working people should be considered treason.
After a person maliciously murders somebody or rapes a little kid, the world has no place for them. Their not people anymore. Their monsters. And should be dealt with accordingly. Don’t lock them up to give the American people another bill. Never let them reenter society to strike again. Just drop them off on the island and watch them run like hell.” Place your bets".
Chapter 20.Bad boys, bad boys
Through out the days, the police have brought sanctity to the American people. They resolve the extreme, and help with minor dilemmas. So why do we feel like their bugging the shit out of us? Because the "law’ is a business. You could drive out of a dealership lot with a brand new car, license, descent driving skills, and still legally be pulled over at the officer's discretion. Driving is apparently a sin. This is where the majority of citizens have their run in with the police. You can be literally pulled over for anything. Simply because you were in a hurry when you left, your speed in a parking lot,” which is private property", something dangling in your mirror, just because you look suspicious, even because you have a shity car!
I’ve got an idea, “stop selling cars that go 120mph“.This will drastically reduce the amount of reckless driving and high-speed pursuits. I’m pretty sure there’s no place in America where its legal to go faster than 75 or 85 mph anyway. Stop giving out parking tickets. Just have the car towed. People will start parking where there supposed to. Could everyone please slow down? If the speed limit is 40, its not ok to go 49. You wouldn’t believe the amount of stress a person accumulates just because they “jockey” for position. Not to mention the billions they make off of tickets.
We want security, not a nuisance. Every holiday they put up roadblocks that cause delays, beef up on highway patrol, and pullover everything that moves. They say it's for everybody's protection. Butt their really just taking advantage of when there is a large number of people out and about, so they can make a fortune off of tickets. What’s with this roadblock crap? This is basically pulling people over for nothing. Isn’t this " police stating"? If you want to catch drunk drivers park across the street from bars. Don’t randomly annoy people. They make billions every year off the common driver, meanwhile police cars pass you on the highway 15 to 20 miles an hour faster. Every time the price of gas increases, I see more and more out of uniform cops driving their police cruisers running everyday errands. Costing the taxpayer gas money. What about "court cost"? I thought our taxes paid for the cost of court. Marriage licenses? I seriously have to pay the state so I can make a commitment to my spouse?
Does their have to be a fine for every little broken law? What’s wrong with” I’m sorry” or "I didn’t know"? They say, "Ignorance is no excuse for the law". I say "bullshit". If we all had the time to study the law in depth, we would all be lawyers and cops.
If a man gets caught stealing, don’t charge him with a fine. Obviously he doesn’t have very much to give. That’s probably why he's stealing. You don’t see to many CEO’s pulling a break and entering. When you fine somebody that’s already broke, your just taking more away from them. This is why we have repeat offenders. This is why there’s virtually no rehabilitation. It just keeps them broke and desperate. I realize people need to pay for their crimes, but do they actually have to pay cash? How about jail time, or public service.
A man is innocent until proven guilty. But he'll sit his ass in jail until we find out. Unless he comes up with bond money. They say bond money is like insurance, so the perp will return to court. But for some reason most of them never get it back. This shows us innocents and freedoms are for sale. Check out some of these celebrities. Murderers, pedophiles, drug abusers, and anything in between. They never seem to do any real jail time. Why? Because they have paid to satisfy the abundance of money the courts live off of. “O.J. didn’t get off because he was “black“. He got off because he paid a shit load of money”.
Some police officers get bonuses for catching people with warrants. Some cops get paid according to the amount of tickets they write or the amount of fines they have issued. This only makes them dig into societies time for personal profit. They should be paid a flat rate. No extras or incentive to do their jobs. This is the same as commission. Who bugs you more, non-commissioned or commissioned salesmen? If we take extra money off the table we'll find out who truly cares about the publics safety. Money should never be used as a penance. People need to pay for their faults; they have to pay for their offences. But dollars don’t equal sorry. Bleeding them won’t make them good citizens. And law enforcement knows this. But they will continue to milk the titt of the common American because it's a very profitable business. We have to stop this .No profits. Every state depends on their legal system to make far beyond what is considered legal process. They have quotas! In other words "they want you to fail” so they can create revenue.
Prisons don't work. Locking up criminals with other criminals in a shity environment does not successfully create rehabilitation. We need to get to the root of the problem. What do the majority of repeat offenders have in common? No education! I've got a funny feeling that if we start educating prisoners we'll have less "career criminals". And I'm not just talking GED. I was thinking more like a bachelors degree. And I think it should be mandatory for all inmates. The first question they ask when you get to prison should be “ what’s your major"? This is how we solve criminal activity. Once again you ask, "How do we pay for this Rich"?"Easy, I tell you. Teachers make allot less money than prison guards". We could give them all the old shitty computers that they were going to sell at state auctions. And burn copies of textbooks on disc. Viola, education.
Chapter 21. what’s wrong ,what’s wrong?
"You keep asking me “what’s wrong”, is what’s wrong“!
It’s my personal opinion that the number one reason for divorce/breakups is over exposure to one another. You can’t be jammed up each others asses 24/7.Lets try to get some breathing room. Every person should have a hobby and friends. Take part in these hobbies and see your friends. This doesn’t mean call me once a month, it just means keeping a life and a relationship. Do people spend so much time together because they’re deeply in love or scared of infidelity or maybe they just feel expected to? I don’t know what the reason is, but its time to do something "apart".
When will men realize that a penis is not a weapon? It’s a massaging tool. I’ve seen what comes out of a vagina; you’re not killing anyone. You wouldn’t believe how many woman get irritated if their partner takes longer than 5 minutes. This is because allot of woman aren’t getting their "kicks" out of the deal. I’m gonna spell it out for men, above the hole is a small hooded lump. This is a clitoris. Massage it with your finger or anything else your imagination permits. Make sure there’s moisture. When there’s very heavy breathing and she pulls away. You have succeeded. It’s important to be a generous lover. Wouldn’t you be disappointed if you weren’t getting your cut of the deal? I would also like to point out the fact that foreplay is not dropping your pants.
When will women realize that men are not always interested in emotional sex? Sometimes it’s OK to just bend over the couch. Men are begging fools but not perverts.” in general". Men think about sex every 60 seconds because testes constantly create semen, they don’t just fill up and stop. Its gotta go somewhere. This is why men masturbate allot and have wet dreams. The body and mind take things into their own hands. So just give a little. You’re not going to run out?
Most importantly communicate. If your leaving the bedroom unsatisfied your not speaking up.
Money and sex do matter. If bills are not getting paid, because you abused the budget, there’s going to be an argument. If you’re sleeping with somebody else, there’s going to be a problem. These are critical matters. Handle your "business".
If you work and your spouse,” man or woman", takes care of the kids, your job is not over when you punch out. Caregiver is not a 9 to 5.Its round the clock, grueling mentally challenging, hard work. Don’t come home and sit on your ass. Contribute to your children’s upbringing. Do some dishes. Your home would be in shambles if it wasn’t for your homemaker. This is whom you work hard for.
Last but not least, RESPECT each other. Men, she hasn’t stop talking because you’re not listening. Instead of hearing it all night, take 10 minutes to actually give a shit, and she'll leave you alone. Women, He’s not listening because he feels your dumping too much on him at once. Instead of wasting your breath, give him 10 minutes of quiet and alone time, and he'll be more receptive. These are just simple facts of life. Women need to get things off their chest. Men die of heart attacks because they don’t. Were not going to change this. What I’m saying is talk when she wants to talk, and give it a break when he's overloaded. Compromise. If these tactics aren’t working for you, then somebody’s just being an asshole.
Chapter 22. Bitch list
Its ok to say, "I don’t know", stop making shit up.
Video killed the radio star, and the Internet is killing the movie star. HA HA!
If we can sue tobacco companies, we can sue gun companies.
I love the fact that its illegal to advertise cigarettes but cigars have their own damn magazines. Like smoking cigars is a legitimate hobby.
I don’t believe in private schools. A person shouldn’t be entitled to a better education or environment just because their parents have more money.
Throwing paint on a fur coat because of your active beliefs doesn’t make any sense. You’ll go to jail and have to pay restitution. The restitution will then be spent on another coat. Now you’ve personally paid for the death of more chinchillas. Murderer!
Antibacterial soap and antibiotics are slowly killing the human population. The majority of bacterias are symbiotic. That means they benefit from us and we benefit from them. We are killing the natural janitors. We’re violating this bond. They keep predators from intruding within us. But we disable them. This is why we have new diseases. Because the bad bacterias have adapted and evolved. They learned of new doorways.
Do you have a reoccurring dream, where in the dream you wake up but can’t really get your bearings. You may have sleep apnea.
If you got poop on your hand, would you just wipe it off with paper? I hope not. I feel the same way about my ass. Wash your ass…… Nasty.
Have you been hired and fired five times this year? It’s because you’re a shitty employee.
. PC killed freedom of speech. It doesn’t make any sense to allow me to say what I want if i can just be prosecuted, black balled, or sued for it.
It’s not OK to kill an animal for just its fur. So lets start eating the meat too, I’m getting tired of beef, chicken, and fish.
The governor of Kentucky should be arrested for neglect. If you have the internet you’ll figure it out.
I like budget shows on the tele that show you how to survive on 40 or 50 dollars a day. For 40 dollars I could get a cheap hotel, eat off the dollar menu, get a six pack, and a 10 buck B.J.
Imagine your in a small room with a table, a fan that’s turned off, and a deck of cards. You decide to build a house of cards. “I’ve got baseball cards in my fantasy”. What a beautiful house you made. All of a sudden the fan turns on, and you cant turn it off. Now it’s knocked down your house! Would you rebuild with the fan blowing? Of course not. This is why the government didn’t really help with Katrina. They know It’s probably going to happen again.
To many people have ulterior motives for the up and coming presidential election. Some believe that if a woman gets into office that childcare will magically be cheaper, or women with salaries and kids won’t have to work overtime. Some believe that if a man with some pigment gets elected that they’ll dump a ton of money into poor neighbor hoods, or college will be cheaper. I got bad news for you. It’s not gonna happen. You’ll be just as disappointed as you are now.
There’s really no need for any republicans to run for this term. The best they got made to many appearances on SnL. The Democrats got it in the bag. So if your red save that campaign donation for the box set.
Why the hell are there no wild pigs, cows, chickens, or horses? Is this another ploy to take your money? YES. I demand an immediate repopulation of these animals in the wild. And stop making people pay for hunting licenses. Now we don’t have to worry about feeding the homeless. Just give them some fishing string and a hook then wish them good luck. “Teach a man to fish” isn’t just a saying.
Everyone is aware of a certain navigation system that I’ll call “No Star”. It gives directions, unlocks your doors, etc…..I predict very shortly this luxury will be a mandatory burden. They’ll say it’s so cops can find stolen vehicles, or to shut off your engine when your being pulled over or if there’s a high speed chase. Insurance companies won’t except you with out it. But really they just want to mail you speeding tickets.
If you continue to find others disappointing you a lot, you should probably take matters into your own hands. What I mean by that is “Stop asking others to do shit for you. Do it your damn self.”
Ladies. Still looking for that knight in shining armor? Still looking for a man that really knows how to treat a woman? Try looking at the old folks home, because that’s where the last of that breed is. Women wanted equal rights “which they deserve” and they got it. So don’t sit around wondering why most men don’t open car doors, lay their coats on a puddle, or save the last bite for you. “I still do these things”. These were privileges for the “Little ladies”. Chivalry for the most part is dead. Your probably going to have to take out the garbage your damn self. Don’t burn your bra and wonder why it’s so uncomfortable.
Kids on the farm have chores, and so should the kids at your house. I’ve seen 13-year-olds that don’t make their own beds. After my kids turn 6, I’m never doing the dishes again. Cha mule, cha. “whipping sound”.
I’m waiting for a fast food joint that’s fully automated. That way I’ll always get what I ordered. It can be done. Just have somebody drop in once a week for maintenance and stocking. MMM Roboburger.
Attention all bottled water drinkers. “I have some statues on Easter island for $ale”. Water actually does fall from the sky. Then again we did buy pet rocks.
If we can get 2,000 songs on an mp3 player, we can get college books on there to. Can we stop paying $150 a book?
Why the hell do banks have lobbies? Isn’t the place where banks get robbed? Shouldn’t they make the money part of the bank drive thru only and have the loan offices in a smaller separate building?
People can tell if you masturbate by the white and pink spots on your hands………Made you look. Why are so many people afraid to admit they masturbate? “I can switch hands without missing a beat”.
Human skin can absorb up to %90 of what it touches. Most lotions and conditioners contain fats, oils, and cholesterols. I wonder why women are so prone to heart disease?
Anybody wondering why Busch was in a big hurry to give out those work visas? Because the average tradesman/factory worker is 52- years-old, and when they’re gone there’s pretty much nobody setup to replace them. We teach our children that manual labor is for losers. Have you ever wanted your kid to grow up and bust their ass? Do you think the majority of immigrants are doing landscaping or roofing jobs? They’re not. They’re making breakfast cereal, car parts, glass, toys, and everything else you need. As long as Americans avoid manual labor, somebody else is going to have to do it. The Immigrants think they’re getting a good deal, but they’re just using them for sturdy backs. The government knows they won’t be able to afford education, and better themselves. I guess pink’s not the new black, brown is.
Credit cards and bank loans are just legalized loan sharking. I know people that would rather get their legs broken or get the shit beat out them and dropped off by the docks than go through what the banks are doing to them.
Am I the only one that finds Kirk Cameron’s attempt to “scientifically prove there’s a God” mildly psychotic?
Are we there yet? “Has the car stopped”.
Somebody should drop a million dollars worth of Ramen noodles over Africa. They‘re only 10 cents a pack! We could feed a child for only 10 cents a day. How much are you paying? “What about the shipping” you ask? Open a factory in Africa.
Science proves that humans are omnivorous, so the veggie’s should hush up. Don’t get wrong, I love PETA. Especially when it’s wrapped around lamb.
I wonder what would happen if we dropped a motorcycle engine in an escort? Maybe we would lose acceleration? Maybe we would lose horsepower? Maybe we would get great gas mileage?
I’m tired of having to be a smart shopper. Isn’t the better business bureau supposed to weed out the bullshit?
Trigger, square, circle, down, up. Tell your fat ass, lazy kid to put down that controller and go outside and play. “You should probably go with them”. Stop using video games as babysitters. Just like tobacco and alcohol, video games should be off limits to children. And some of you adults. “I saw some you losers waiting in line over night for a new release”. 16 sounds good to me.
Drug companies haven’t cured anything. They just keep offering more medicines that are really expensive. Did you donate to cure AIDS? Or did you donate for another medicine? I think we’re done with medicines. So from now on just work on the cures.
About the author
He's a boob man and plays guitar.
If you would like to write me a nasty letter . Richash124@insightbb.com
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